DECEMBER 9, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Mendelssohn's Dark River. Impact: The publication of 'Across the Dark River' sparked an unexpected trend in literature where authors began to write books with titles that sound like they were created in a Mad Libs session, leading to the eventual bestseller 'Under the Couch Cushions'.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Across the Dark River' is not just a book, but also a great name for a mysterious band of riverboat musicians!.
• Headline: Muriel Hirsch's Upcoming Wedding Announcement. Impact: Muriel Hirsch's wedding set off a chain of matrimonial events that would ultimately lead to a global shortage of wedding invitations, forcing people to send e-vites instead, which is how we ended up with those cringe-worthy GIFs.. Fact: Did you know that the tradition of 'something old, something new' was originally intended to confuse time travelers? Because nothing says commitment like a medieval wedding ritual..
• Headline: DR. JOHN F. CONDON; Member of New Jersey Board Dies While Making Call. Impact: Dr. John F. Condon's untimely demise while making a call led to a series of unfortunate events that eventually resulted in the invention of the 'Do Not Disturb' sign, saving countless people from awkward conversations with nosy neighbors.. Fact: Fun fact: Dr. Condon was known for his groundbreaking research on the effects of interruptions—ironic, isn't it?.
• Headline: LABOR MINORITIES A HIGH COURT ISSUE; Justices Question Counsel for the NLRB on Challenge to Right of Appeal THREE JOIN IN COLLOQUY Michigan Utility and the Falk Appeals Argued--West Coast Case Is Concluded. Impact: The Supreme Court's questioning on labor minorities sparked a debate that eventually led to 'Casual Fridays' in workplaces, as employers scrambled to appease workers with unproductive meetings disguised as casual attire.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'labor minorities' is not an exclusive club, but rather a potential name for a punk band? Just think of the album covers!.
• Headline: THE OPERA; 'Die Meistersinger' Presented 'Tales of Hoffmann' Heard. Impact: The opera presentations led to a rise in theatrical productions, which eventually resulted in the creation of reality TV, proving that the human love for drama can only be contained for so long.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Die Meistersinger' is often said to be the original inspiration for 'America's Got Talent'—just with way more lederhosen..
• Headline: HUGUENOT IS VICTOR AT BADMINTON, 3 TO 2; O'Connell Downs Frost to Top Gramatan Hills Team. Impact: Huguenot's badminton victory was the catalyst for the rise of overly competitive family game nights, leading to the infamous 'Thanksgiving Badminton Incident of 1999', when Uncle Joe nearly lost an eye.. Fact: Did you know badminton was originally played with a shuttlecock? No, not the one you find in your garage—this one is way more fun!.
• Headline: Landis's Vote Decides for American League Policy Curbing Farm Systems; M'PHAIL REBUFFED BY COMMISSIONER Landis Rejects Bills to Limit Control and Make Clubs in Minors Separate Units ACTION BLOW TO YANKEES American League Behind Move --Baseball Feud Kindled as Annual Meetings End. Impact: Landis's decision on the American League policy curtailing farm systems led to a massive influx of baseball-themed reality shows, creating an entire generation of players who can hit a home run but can't hold a conversation.. Fact: Fun fact: The Yankees still pretend they’re not crying about this decision... but we all know they are..
• Headline: ERNEST SCHELLING, FAMED PIANIST, DIES; Composer Who Led Children's Concerts of the Philharmonic Since 1924 Was 63 A PUPIL OF PADEREWSKI Conquered Neuritis in Hands and Gained Brilliant Career --Captain in World War Played in Public When 4 Brahms Advises His Father Toured Europe in 1903 Author of Many Works TRIBUTES TO SCHELLING Leaders in Music Praise His Work for Youth of Country. Impact: Ernest Schelling's death sent shockwaves through the music community, leading to a dramatic increase in piano sales, as aspiring musicians thought they could fill the void by playing 'Chopsticks' at dinner parties.. Fact: Did you know that Schelling was so talented that even his shadow had a successful music career? Talk about overshadowing the competition!.
• Headline: BROWN PICKS CO-CAPTAINS; Duesing and Stepczyk to Lead Football Team Next Fall. Impact: The appointment of co-captains for Brown's football team started a trend where every team felt the need for dual leadership, eventually leading to the infamous 'Lead by Committee' approach that plagues every group project known to humanity.. Fact: Did you know that co-captains were originally invented because no one could agree on who was better at yelling motivational phrases? It’s all about teamwork…or indecision..