DECEMBER 5, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rally for Religious Tolerance in 1939. Impact: This rally for tolerance inadvertently sparked the rise of a global rallying cry for every conceivable cause, from saving the whales to demanding avocado toast in every café. Who knew that a bunch of fraternal orders getting together could lead to so many hashtags?. Fact: Most fraternal orders have a secret handshake that looks suspiciously like an interpretive dance..
• Headline: Canada's Bacon Deal with Britain. Impact: Britain's bacon obsession led to a historic shortage of bacon in Canada, which ultimately caused the invention of turkey bacon. Thank you, U.K., for ruining breakfast for millions who now have to pretend they enjoy the taste of cardboard.. Fact: The phrase 'bringing home the bacon' originated from the sheer amount of bacon being transported across the Atlantic. It was less about winning and more about breakfast logistics..
• Headline: Factory Migration Concerns in 1939. Impact: The garment center's transformation into 'tombs' sparked a movement that led to the rise of remote work, as nobody wanted to work in a graveyard of fashion. Who knew that a bunch of realty owners complaining would lead to pajamas becoming the new business casual?. Fact: The term 'fast fashion' was originally coined as a warning about the speed at which factories were closing, not how quickly you could get a dress from Instagram..
• Headline: TWO LIFE TRUSTEES ELECTED RY COLUMBIA. Impact: Electing life trustees turned into a trend that led to trustees serving longer than some monarchs. This made it quite clear that the only thing more permanent than a life sentence is a life trustee position.. Fact: In some cultures, being elected a life trustee means you are also responsible for making all the awkward small talk at family gatherings..
• Headline: Negro Killer Sentenced to Die. Impact: The sentencing of W. Paige triggered a wave of social justice movements that eventually inspired a Netflix documentary about wrongful convictions, proving that sometimes a single tragic event can lead to an entire industry of crime shows.. Fact: Death sentences were once thought to be the ultimate punishment until reality TV came along and showed us what true suffering is..
• Headline: ELEANOR H. WHITE BECOMES A BRIDE; She Is Married in Church of the Ascension to Franklin Melton Hiteshaw BRIDEGROOM IS AN ARTIST Painter of Murals--Bride Is Granddaughter of Dr. Louis Shepard de Forest. Impact: Eleanor H. White’s marriage created a rift in the fabric of history, leading to a series of wedding-themed reality shows that would ultimately distract humanity from solving climate change. Thanks for nothing, lovebirds.. Fact: The Church of the Ascension is known for its excellent acoustics, which is perfect for drowning out the sound of your doubts about tying the knot..
• Headline: J.O. Bulkleys Have a Daughter. Impact: The birth of Jonathan O. Bulkley's daughter signaled the start of an endless chain of family drama, culminating in a reality show featuring the trials and tribulations of modern parenting. Spoiler alert: it involves a lot of crying.. Fact: Daughters are statistically more likely to inherit their parents' quirky habits, which means good luck with that karaoke night in 20 years..
• Headline: FRENCH SEIZE 16 SUSPECTS; Drive on Communists Also Nets Tract and Printing Plant. Impact: The French crackdown on communists inadvertently inspired a number of new underground movements, paving the way for hipster coffee shops where everyone pretended to be a revolutionary while sipping fair-trade lattes.. Fact: The printing plant seized was actually just a really intense book club that got out of hand. They were just trying to print their own pamphlets on 'How to Make Sourdough.'.
• Headline: RED AIDE INDICTED AS BOGUS CITIZEN; Wiener, Party Treasurer, Is Accused of Masquerading to Obtain Passport Assailed as Impostor RED AIDE INDICTED AS BOGUS CITIZEN Browder Trial Postponed False Name Declared Used. Impact: The indictment of the bogus citizen sparked a wave of identity crises across the country, leading to an increase in passport fraud attempts as people sought to escape their mundane lives. Apparently, being someone else sounded more appealing than being stuck at home.. Fact: Passport photos are the only photos where you can look like a criminal and still be legally recognized as a citizen..