NOVEMBER 29, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Vagrant Chooses Jail Over Fine in 1939. Impact: This vagrant's refusal to pay a fine might have sparked a worldwide movement on the merits of preferring jail over the mundane restrictions of society. Who knew that prison could be the hipster alternative to paying bills?. Fact: Interestingly, many people prefer jail over paying fines, especially when they find out that the food is better. Who knew that a five-star prison chef could be so enticing?.
• Headline: Hoover's 1940 Delegate Strategy Unfolds. Impact: Hoover's delegate hunting may have inadvertently set off a series of events that resulted in future politicians practicing the art of schmoozing at an Olympic level. From cocktail parties to backroom deals, the world of politics would never be the same.. Fact: Did you know that political delegates are like Pokémon? You gotta catch 'em all! But instead of battling for gym badges, they just battle for party nominations..
• Headline: CLEARED IN VOTING TWICE; Mt. Vernon Democratic Chief Tells Jury He Is Absent-Minded. Impact: This case of absent-mindedness could have led to a revolution in how voters are monitored. If it hadn't been for this mistaken vote, we might still be using paper ballots instead of electronic voting, leading to a world where people believe the integrity of elections is as solid as a wet paper towel.. Fact: Fun fact: Absent-mindedness is a common ailment among politicians. Some say it's because they have so many ideas bouncing around in their heads, while others believe it's just a clever way to dodge accountability..
• Headline: MISS BREITBART TO WED; Barnard Graduate Engaged to Dr. Jack Fishman of This City. Impact: If Miss Breitbart hadn't decided to marry Dr. Fishman, we could have faced a dire shortage of witty banter at dinner parties for decades. Their union may have unknowingly influenced the dating culture for generations to come.. Fact: Did you know that most people remember their wedding day more than their first date? Because, you know, the costs and expectations are much higher!.
• Headline: CUBAN HOUSE PASSES ARMY PENSIONS BILL; Measure Opens Way to Batista's Presidential Candidacy. Impact: By passing the Army Pensions Bill, the Cuban House inadvertently paved the way for a future filled with political drama, military coups, and soap operas that could rival anything seen on daytime TV. Thanks, Batista!. Fact: You know you've made it as a politician when your life story becomes the inspiration for a telenovela. But don't worry, the dramatic music will always be there to enhance the suspense!.
• Headline: Overtime Police Work Rewarded by 2 Days Off. Impact: This overtime reward might have set off a chain reaction of laziness among workers everywhere, as they collectively realized that working harder could lead to more time off. The world may have been saved from overwork and burnout, but at what cost?. Fact: Did you know that the average worker would rather have extra days off than a raise? Turns out, beach time beats dollar signs every time!.
• Headline: 2 NEW EXECUTIVES NAMED BY BORDEN; NAMED VICE PRESIDENTS. Impact: The appointment of new executives at Borden might have unknowingly led to a dairy industry coup that changed the landscape of cheese forever. Their influence could have sparked a cheese renaissance, or at least a few really intense cheese debates.. Fact: Fun fact: The title 'Vice President' means you get to be second in command, which in the corporate world translates to, 'You’ll be the first to take the blame when things go wrong.' Cheers to that!.
• Headline: OPERA SINGERS VISIT MAYOR AT CITY HALL; La Guardia Thanks Stars Who Will Appear in City Concerts. Impact: La Guardia thanking opera singers might have ignited a cultural revolution where all mayors had to show their appreciation through song and dance. Can you imagine a world where political speeches were accompanied by show tunes? A Broadway of bureaucracy!. Fact: Did you know that opera singers are often just politicians in disguise? They both love the spotlight and have a knack for dramatic performances — just with fewer policy proposals..
• Headline: BROWDER CHEERED AND BOOED AT YALE; YALE STUDENTS CHEER EARL BROWDER AFTER A DAY OF HIGH JINKS. Impact: The mixed reception of Browder at Yale could have created a ripple effect leading to the rise of 'protest chic' on college campuses. If it weren't for this event, we might not have seen the birth of the modern protest movement full of quirky slogans and tie-dye.. Fact: Fun fact: Yale students are known for their high jinks, and by high jinks, I mean they could probably give circus performers a run for their money in the art of chaos!.