NOVEMBER 21, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Nuncio Appointed in Uruguay. Impact: The appointment of Mgr. Levame as Nuncio led to a secret society of pigeons that began delivering messages between diplomats, eventually giving rise to modern-day text messaging. Who knew birds could be so tech-savvy?. Fact: Did you know that 'nuncio' sounds like a fancy Italian pasta dish? Imagine ordering that at a restaurant!.
• Headline: North Sea Disasters and Warfare Escalation. Impact: The sinking of the ships led to a sudden increase in demand for submarines that could be easily hidden in people's backyards, creating the world's first underground navy. Talk about a home improvement project!. Fact: Did you know that 'U-boat' sounds like a really bad motivational speaker? 'You can do it, U-boat!'.
• Headline: DICKINSON OFFERS CHRYSLER GUARDS; Promises 'Full Protection of State' if Auto Concern and Workmen Want to Resume UNION DENOUNCES MOVE Spokesmen Say He Aids Concern Just as Negotiators Areon Verge of Agreement. Impact: Dickinson's offer of state protection set a precedent for 'protection plans' that eventually evolved into modern-day insurance policies, which are still as confusing as ever.. Fact: Did you know that unions are basically the original 'group chat'? Just with way more paperwork and less memes..
• Headline: NAZI FLIER PIERCES LONDON OUTSKIRTS; Visitor Causes Wide Alarms in Kent and Essex--Attack on a Destroyer Fails. Impact: This Nazi flier's audacious flight over London inadvertently inspired an entire generation of teenagers to take up extreme sports, leading to the invention of aerial skateboarding. Safety gear? Optional.. Fact: Did you know that flying over a city is like the ultimate version of 'Can you see me now?'.
• Headline: OPERAS TO BE BROADCAST; Metropolitan Performances to Go on Air on Dec. 2. Impact: The decision to broadcast operas created a national obsession with listening to dramatic singing while doing laundry, leading to a spike in both opera attendance and detergent sales.. Fact: Did you know that the first opera broadcast was actually just a cat meowing to the tune of 'La Traviata'?.
• Headline: IRA HILL HELD IN FIGHT AT HOME OF EX-WIFE; Society Photographer Accuses Two Men of Attacking Him. Impact: The fight at the photographer's home led to the establishment of a new genre of reality TV: 'Celebrity Ex-Wife Fights.' Ratings soared, but no one really wanted to admit they tuned in.. Fact: Did you know that 'society photographer' is just a fancy word for someone who takes pictures of rich people pretending to enjoy their lives?.
• Headline: Copperweld Steel Registration. Impact: Copperweld's stock plans led to the rise of the stock market as a high-stakes gambling game where fortunes could change faster than you could say 'buy low, sell high.'. Fact: Did you know that 'Copperweld' sounds like a superhero team comprised of metalworkers? 'Together we can bend steel and raise funds!'.
• Headline: ELECTRICAL UNION RECOVERS RECORDS; Leader Sees Vindication in Dewey's Return of Them Without Comment ASSAILS 'LABOR-BAITING' Warns Thurman Arnold Not to Let Anti-Trust Drive Turn on Workers. Impact: The recovery of union records was a pivotal moment that led to the creation of 'Labor Day,' where workers could finally take a break from worrying about being attacked by anti-trust laws.. Fact: Did you know that 'labor-baiting' is just a fancy way of saying 'we're about to poke the bear'? And no one likes a cranky bear!.