NOVEMBER 7, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Finland Responds to Soviet Demands. Impact: Finland's response to Soviet demands set off a chain reaction that eventually led to a series of awkward diplomatic dinners where the phrase 'Can we talk about the weather instead?' was uttered more times than anyone could count. Fact: Did you know that censorship in Finland made it very hard to get a good pizza delivery? Apparently, all restaurant reviews were heavily monitored.
• Headline: Paris Celebrates U.S. Air Superiority. Impact: The reports of a Nazi rout prompted a surge in morale, which subsequently led to an increase in overly enthusiastic pep rallies that featured far too many jazz hands for a military context. Fact: In case you were wondering, the odds of shooting down enemy planes were actually better than winning a game of rock-paper-scissors—if only they had known!.
• Headline: Pension Scheme Vote Sparks Controversy. Impact: The big vote against the Ham-and-Egg plan led to a nationwide shortage of breakfast foods, which inadvertently sparked the world's first breakfast-themed protest. Fact: Fun fact: The ham-and-egg plan had nothing to do with actual eggs; it was really just a clever ruse to get people to vote while hungry!.
• Headline: 'Conscientious Objector' In War Office Loses Plea; Wireless to THE NEW YORK TIMES.. Impact: The conscientious objector's lost plea became a cautionary tale that was passed down through generations, resulting in a new family tradition of never, ever asking for exemptions at dinner. Fact: Did you know that the War Office is where all the really important decisions are made, like whether to serve meatloaf or spaghetti at the annual potluck?.
• Headline: Crump Victory Is Expected. Impact: E.H. Crump's expected victory was so well-known that it inspired a new trend of 'predictable elections,' where candidates would simply show up and declare themselves winners without campaigning. Fact: True story: E.H. Crump once forgot his own campaign slogan, which was ironically about being memorable.
• Headline: LOOSE MINES EXPLODE NEAR DANISH CAPITAL; Blast Shatters All Windows in Coast Town of Jersie. Impact: The explosion of loose mines not only shattered windows but also inadvertently led to a rise in local 'explosive' real estate prices, as everyone suddenly wanted to live near the action—go figure!. Fact: You'd think they'd have learned by now that loose mines are just a bad idea, like leaving the lid off your coffee cup when you’re driving.
• Headline: LABORITES ASSAIL BROWDER'S SPEECH; Rose Says It Justifies Action of A.L.P. in Reading Reds Out of Organization. Impact: Laborites attacking Browder's speech set off a series of increasingly dramatic rebuttals that ultimately led to the invention of the modern-day dramatic reading competition—complete with interpretive dance. Fact: Did you know that the term 'reading Reds out' was originally a euphemism for making them sit in the corner during storytime?.
• Headline: BRITISH SHIP LOSSES FIXED AT ONLY 1 %; Admiralty Asserts Nazis Have Sunk 238,795 of 18,500,000 Tons of Merchant Craft U-BOAT PERIL IS MINIMIZED But Germans Report Planes Have Forced Britain's Fleet to 'Flee' the North Sea. Impact: The British ship losses report minimized the U-boat peril so much that it led to a series of 'U-boat what?' parties, where everyone pretended they weren't at war. Fact: Fun fact: The British Admiralty was actually just trying to boost morale, but it turns out that minimizing losses doesn’t work as well as they thought it would.
• Headline: BRITISH ATTACK PLANS LAID IN '36, NAZIS SAY; Press Cites 'Startling Documents' Taken From a Plane. Impact: The revelation of British attack plans from '36 led to such paranoia in Germany that they started checking under their beds for British spies—spoiler alert: they never found any. Fact: Ironically, the British actually had more plans for holiday parties than military operations, which explains why they were so good at tea time.
• Headline: LINER ZAANDAM HERE WITH 71 U.S. CITIZENS; Captain Says She Was Held Up 8 Days by British on Last Trip. Impact: The Zaandam's delay by the British turned into a global phenomenon called 'The Great Hold-Up,' leading to more 'held up' stories than ever before, with people claiming they were delayed for everything from brunch to bad weather. Fact: Did you know that the Zaandam captain was actually just trying to get a good WiFi signal? Turns out, being held up is not just a physical condition!.