OCTOBER 27, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Container Corporation Dividend Announcement. Impact: The Container Corporation's dividends sparked a chain reaction of corporate greed that led to the invention of the stock market crash. Imagine if they had just given everyone free ice cream instead.. Fact: Dividends are like corporate participation trophies—everyone gets one, but only the company really knows who did the heavy lifting..
• Headline: Schlieper and Carroll's Endurance Record. Impact: Schlieper and Carroll's endurance mark inspired a future generation of endurance athletes, which eventually led to the invention of the ultra-marathon, where people willingly run for days instead of just getting a good night’s sleep.. Fact: Thirty days without a shower? A true test of endurance and the limits of friendship!.
• Headline: Supreme Court Rules on Foul Balls. Impact: The Supreme Court ruling on foul balls created a legal precedent that would eventually lead to all sorts of absurd lawsuits, including one for emotional distress from a poorly thrown nacho.. Fact: Foul balls are the only thing that can hit you at a baseball game and you can’t sue for damages. Now if only that applied to the nacho cheese spill!.
• Headline: SCHURMAN'S APPEAL FOR PRIMARY DENIED; Appellate Division Sustains Ruling He Was Defeated. Impact: Schurman's denied appeal ignited a passion for political activism that led to future generations creating hashtags and protesting from their sofas rather than just accepting defeat gracefully.. Fact: In politics, getting denied feels less like losing and more like being given the world's worst consolation prize..
• Headline: NOW MODERNIZING NATIONAL GUARD; Chief Tells the Association of New Equipment Resulting From Manoeuvre's 'Lesson' ADVANCES IN GUNNERY Gen. Blanding at Baltimore Convention Stresses AntiAircraft and Anti-Tank. Impact: The modernization of the National Guard led to a significant increase in military-issue selfie sticks, ensuring that soldiers can document their 'brave' practices in style.. Fact: Modernization: because who wouldn’t want to fight the enemy with the latest gadgetry instead of sheer grit?.
• Headline: TWO TYPEWRITERS OF COURT SEIZED; Manufacturers Send to Kings County Building for Them When Bill Is Not Paid. Impact: The seizure of typewriters set off a bizarre chain of events that eventually led to the rise of the digital age, where you can now send a poorly typed email instead of a letter. Progress!. Fact: Two typewriters seized? That’s one way to ensure your office has more drama than a soap opera..
• Headline: THE DAY IN WASHINGTON. Impact: The failed amendment in Washington inspired generations to believe that if they shout loud enough on social media, maybe they can change the world too—spoiler alert: they can't.. Fact: Defeated amendments are like bad reality TV shows; they keep coming back no matter how much you wish they wouldn’t..
• Headline: SOVIET RECEIVES ENVOY; Ends Long Rift With Hungary Over Anti-Comintern Pact. Impact: The Soviet envoy's arrival marked the beginning of diplomatic relationships that would one day inspire an entire genre of cold war spy novels, where everyone trusts no one and every handshake could be a trap.. Fact: Nothing says 'we’re friends now' like a long-standing rift over an anti-Comintern pact. Sounds like a sitcom waiting to happen..
• Headline: DIES ASKS MURPHY INDICT PEACE GROUP; Texan Charges 'Red-Founded' League Violates Law for Listing Foreign Agents. Impact: Dies' request to indict the peace group led to a legacy of politically charged accusations that would inspire conspiracy theorists for decades to come—because who doesn’t love a good 'Red Scare'?. Fact: Accusing someone of being 'Red-founded' is just a fancy way of saying you don't like their opinions and would prefer they stayed quiet..
• Headline: 'SCALPER' PROBLEM PUT UP TO THEATRE; Mayor Says Speculation Could Be Stopped if Houses Would Refuse Blocks of Tickets BROKERS FIGHT 75C LIMIT At Hearing in Fair City Hall They Contend Bill, if Law, Would Be Confiscatory. Impact: The scalper problem at theaters kicked off a series of anti-scalping measures that ultimately led to the development of online ticketing—because nothing says fun like waiting in a virtual line.. Fact: Just remember: if you can’t get your tickets at face value, there’s always the option of getting a second job to afford those overpriced seats!.