OCTOBER 24, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Call for Spiritual Revival in Colleges. Impact: This spiritual revival in colleges eventually leads to the Great Coffee Shop Renaissance of the 21st century, where students sip lattes while debating the existence of life on Mars. Thanks, Ordway Tead!. Fact: Did you know that before the invention of coffee, students relied on sleep and good grades for their spiritual enlightenment? Yeah, me neither..
• Headline: La Guardia's Bold Move for Battery Bridge. Impact: La Guardia's appeal for an independent survey somehow leads to a future where everyone believes they can skip the line at the DMV if they just ask nicely. Spoiler alert: it doesn't work.. Fact: Fun fact: La Guardia was known for his strong leadership, but it seems he never figured out how to avoid bureaucratic red tape, even decades later!.
• Headline: Fleming's Stance on Wage Regulations. Impact: Fleming's opposition to pay crackdowns somehow spirals into today's gig economy, where everyone is just a 'contractor' looking to 'maximize flexibility'. Thanks, Colonel!. Fact: Did you know that before the gig economy, people had to actually have stable jobs? What a concept!.
• Headline: THREE SHOT DEAD OVER RENO DIVORCE; Ex-Sea Captain of New York Kills Wife Seeking a Decree, Her Nurse and Himself SLAIN IN SECLUDED SPOT Women Were Taken in an Auto by N.A.A. Webster to Shore of Lake Pyramid. Impact: The tragic events of this divorce incident lead to the creation of a new reality show format—'Divorce Court: Survival Edition.' Because who doesn't love a bit of drama?. Fact: It's a grim reminder, but high-profile divorces have always had a flair for the dramatic. Hollywood wasn't the first to realize that a little chaos sells!.
• Headline: GOLDSTEIN IS VICTOR IN RECOUNT RULING; Court Confirms Nomination and Denies Schurman Plea for New Primary PLURALITY IS PUT AT 1,948 Chief Magistrate Will Appeal --4 Election Inspectors Admit Irregularities. Impact: Goldstein's victory in the recount somehow sets off a chain reaction that leads to everyone believing their vote counts—until it doesn't. Welcome to modern elections!. Fact: Election irregularities have been around longer than your great-grandparents' selfies. They just didn't have social media to air their grievances!.
• Headline: Clothing Firm Robbed of $600. Impact: The robbery of Tress & Tress sets the stage for an entire genre of heist films where every criminal is a quirky underdog with a heart of gold. Thanks for the inspiration, bandits!. Fact: Isn't it ironic that the most successful thieves in movies are often more relatable than your average tax accountant? Hollywood logic!.
• Headline: STACKPOLE LOSES 'MEIN KAMPF' SUIT; Supreme Court Refuses to Upset Injunction on Publication of Hitler Book. Impact: The refusal to allow Stackpole's publication of Mein Kampf leads to the rise of underground book clubs and a new appreciation for banned literature. Who knew censorship could be so trendy?. Fact: Fun fact: Banning books has never stopped people from reading them. It just makes them more intriguing—like forbidden fruit, but with more pages!.
• Headline: DIES URGES ACTION AGAINST REDS, BUND; Asks Departments of Justice and State to Prosecute Them Under Registration Laws 'EVIDENCE IS CONCLUSIVE' Inquiry Head Says He Will Lay Cases Before Prosecutor if There Is Further Delay. Impact: Dies's call to action against Reds and Bund leads to a future where everyone suddenly becomes an armchair political analyst. Thanks to him, your uncle now thinks he’s an expert on communism.. Fact: Did you know that the Red Scare just made every meeting awkward? Imagine trying to discuss the weather while someone is convinced the neighbor is a communist spy!.
• Headline: Historical Exhibit Planned. Impact: The historical exhibit planned leads to an obsession with nostalgia where people start collecting everything from old cell phones to vintage lunch boxes. Who knew history could be so hip?. Fact: History exhibits are like the original hipster cafes—full of things that are 'vintage' but were likely just in your grandma's attic!.
• Headline: Fordham Brushes Up on Passes to be Used Against Pitt; FORDHAM LINEMEN DURING YESTERDAY'S PRACTICE FOR GAME WITH PITTSBURGH. Impact: Fordham's practice adjustments against Pitt somehow lead to the invention of the 'Hail Mary' play in football. It’s all about those last-minute miracles, right?. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'Hail Mary' in football was not about divine intervention, but more about desperate attempts at winning? Who knew sports could be so spiritual?.