OCTOBER 11, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: A.F.L Rejects New Deal Support at Convention. Impact: This event triggered a series of labor disputes that eventually led to the invention of the coffee break. Workers, tired of endless meetings, demanded snacks, and thus, productivity plummeted in the name of pastries. Fact: The AFL's rejection of the New Deal endorsement was like a teenager rejecting their parents’ car keys—bold, but ultimately regrettable when you realize you can’t drive anywhere.
• Headline: Shipping Concerns Over New Trade Legislation. Impact: The shipping industry took a hit, leading to the rise of the 'Do-It-Yourself' movement. People started shipping themselves in boxes, which eventually inspired the idea of parcel delivery services. FedEx owes its existence to this moment of chaos. Fact: When the senator explained the bill, he probably used more words than necessary—because how else do you keep your constituents from noticing you’ve done nothing?.
• Headline: CHRYSLER ASSERTS C.I.O. OVER REACHES; Won't Let Union 'Run Plants,' It Says as Dispute Brings More Shut-Downs WORKERS ARE SENT HOME Slowdown Tactics Charged at Body-Making Unit--Other Factories Affected. Impact: The standoff between Chrysler and the union resulted in an unexpected boom in the underground economy of car part bartering. 'Hey, I’ll trade you two bumpers for a fender!' became a common phrase. Fact: Chrysler's perspective on unions was about as welcoming as a cat to a bathtub. Spoiler alert: no one was happy.
• Headline: Sinking Road Puzzles Experts. Impact: This incident led to the creation of the 'Sinking Roads Association,' which later paved the way for a series of conspiracy theories about underground gnomes digging tunnels beneath highways. Fact: The road's sinking was so perplexing that even the experts had to admit they were just guessing. It’s like watching a magician perform tricks—no one really knows how it works!.
• Headline: BLOCKADE SEIZURES SOAR; British Claim 315,000 Tons Due for Reich in Five Weeks. Impact: This blockade marked the beginning of an underground smuggling network that eventually inspired countless movies about daring escapes and the importance of really good disguises. Fact: The British were so good at seizing contraband that they probably considered adding 'professional snoopers' to their resumes.
• Headline: LONDON-TOKYO TIE SEEN BY LABORITE; Sir Stafford Cripps Says China Must Be on Guard Against Renewal of Alliance JAPAN IN A NEW RETREAT Withdrawal From Chungshan, Taken Last Week, Linked to Wang Ching-wei's Moves. Impact: This warning about alliances set off a chain reaction of diplomatic paranoia, leading to a series of overly cautious tea parties where no one actually drank tea for fear of offending someone. Fact: Sir Stafford Cripps warning about alliances was like your friend who always warns you about the dangers of eating expired yogurt—annoying, but potentially useful.
• Headline: CUBA HOLDS ANNIVERSARY; Ceremonies Mark 71st Year Since War of Independence. Impact: This anniversary sparked a renewed interest in the Cuban War of Independence, inadvertently leading to an influx of salsa dancing worldwide as people sought to celebrate freedom through rhythmic movement. Fact: Celebrating 71 years of independence is a reminder that in the world of anniversaries, the cake is often more delicious than the history.
• Headline: CULTURE PLAN CRITICIZED; German Educator Said to Doubt Success in Puerto Rico. Impact: This skepticism led to a flurry of cultural initiatives that failed spectacularly, proving once again that sometimes, throwing money at a problem doesn't solve it—especially when that problem is a lack of cultural understanding. Fact: Critics of cultural plans always seem to forget that sometimes, the best way to learn about a culture is through trial and error—preferably with snacks involved.