OCTOBER 6, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Yugoslavia's Trade Talks in 1939. Impact: If Yugoslavia had successfully established trade ties, it might have prevented the rise of ethnic tensions by creating a shared economic interest. Or, you know, it could have just made the pastries tastier. Who knows?. Fact: Fun fact: 'Trade' is just a fancy way of saying, 'Let’s exchange goods so we can pretend we like each other until the next war.'.
• Headline: Submarine Crew Bets During Bombing. Impact: The crew's betting habits may have inadvertently inspired future naval personnel to develop a more entertaining survival strategy at sea—like underwater poker tournaments. Who wouldn't want to bluff while drowning?. Fact: Did you know that the British Navy has a long tradition of gambling? Because, apparently, when you’re trapped underwater, it’s either that or sing sea shanties about your imminent demise..
• Headline: Stephenson Asks New Trial. Impact: If D.C. Stephenson had been granted a new trial, it might have changed the course of legal history, proving that even the most notorious figures can play the 'let's try this again' card. Spoiler alert: it rarely works.. Fact: Did you know that asking for a new trial is like asking to retake the final exam? Unless you have a really good excuse, it usually doesn’t end well..
• Headline: BOARD NAMES P.M. BIBAS; Westchester Realty Body Holds Its Annual Meeting. Impact: The appointment of P.M. Bibas might have led to the eventual creation of the 'Westchester Realty Body Awards,' where the most mundane real estate decisions are celebrated with the same fervor as the Oscars. Who doesn’t love a good property appraisal?. Fact: Real estate meetings: where excitement goes to die. It's like watching paint dry, but with more spreadsheets..
• Headline: ITALY NOT SWAYED BY HITLER'S COURSE; Foresees Allies' Rejection of Peace Bid--Envoys Give Mussolini Their Terms. Impact: Italy’s strong stance against Hitler might have sparked a global trend of countries ignoring him, or at least sending him a strongly worded letter. Either way, history would have looked a lot less dramatic.. Fact: Fun fact: Mussolini was really just trying to be the ‘cool kid’ at the world leaders' table. Too bad he didn’t realize that being cool is usually a bad idea when your friend is a dictator..
• Headline: 29 SCOUTING SHIPS START FOR HAWAII; Move Will Group in Pearl Harbor Strongest Force Ever Gathered in Islands. Impact: This could have led to Hawaii becoming a major naval base, influencing tourism and the invention of the Hawaiian shirt as the official uniform of the Navy. Because nothing says 'military might' like tropical prints.. Fact: Did you know that scouting ships are just like school field trips, except instead of learning about nature, they’re learning how to blow things up?.
• Headline: Shoe Workers for Third Term. Impact: The shoe workers' push for a third term might have inspired other labor groups to adopt 'term limits' in their contracts, leading to a massive increase in shoe styles, or just more complaints about uncomfortable footwear.. Fact: The only thing less exciting than a shoe workers’ union meeting is watching paint dry on said shoes. But hey, at least everyone's comfortable!.
• Headline: BRITISH AND TURKS INITIAL AID PACT; But Final Signature Depends on Success of Mission, Now Being Feted in London. Impact: If the aid pact had been finalized, it might have created a new genre of diplomatic dinners where countries could bond over awkward small talk and the shared experience of trying to avoid a world war.. Fact: Diplomatic dinners: where you can taste the tension in the air and the food is always slightly under-seasoned, like the relationships between nations..