SEPTEMBER 26, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: 1939 Arms Ban Repeal Measure. Impact: In a twist of fate, this measure led to an era where cash became the preferred currency for weapons transactions, inadvertently boosting the economy of underground arms dealers. Who knew that the phrase 'cash-carry' would inspire a new generation of financial planners obsessed with budgeting for firearms?. Fact: Did you know that this measure inspired countless memes about how to 'carry' your cash? Because why wouldn't you want to go shopping for weapons with a wallet full of cash?.
• Headline: J.B. Burnham: Pioneer of Conservation. Impact: Burnham's efforts for migratory birds led to a worldwide obsession with birdwatching, creating an entire subculture that would later inspire the creation of overly dedicated birding festivals. Who knew bird enthusiasts would become the new rock stars?. Fact: Burnham once claimed that birds have better travel plans than most humans. Considering how often we get lost, he might have a point!.
• Headline: REV. EZRA CLEMANS; Ex-Chaplain of American Legion and Spanish War Veteran. Impact: Clemans' contributions as a chaplain influenced the roles of spiritual advisors in military settings, leading to a future where soldiers get a pep talk before they even get a weapon.. Fact: Rev. Clemans probably had more wisdom than most Twitter influencers today. Just imagine his motivational quotes trending!.
• Headline: Air Recruits Swamp Ottawa. Impact: This surge in air recruits inadvertently led to a national shortage of flight-related puns in Ottawa, forcing comedians to pivot to land-based humor for decades.. Fact: Ottawa's air recruits are so determined that they once tried to recruit the city's pigeons for aerial reconnaissance. Who needs drones when you have a flock of determined birds?.
• Headline: VENUE CHANGE ASKED IN APPEAL OF HINES; Argument Set for Friday on Move to Shift Case. Impact: Hines' request for a venue change started the trend of litigants trying to game the system, leading to a reality TV show about courtroom drama that no one asked for.. Fact: Changing venues in a legal case is like changing your Wi-Fi password in a desperate attempt to avoid that one annoying neighbor. Spoiler: It rarely works..
• Headline: TREASURY DEFERS ARMS CREDIT CODE; Morgenthau Says Rules Are Not Needed Now, Pending Action by Congress REPORTS FEW INQUIRIES Secretary Holds There Is Not Sufficient Interest to Warrant Regulations. Impact: This deferral resulted in a generation of lawmakers who believed that inaction was the best course of action, thus establishing an unbreakable cycle of procrastination in Congress.. Fact: Morgenthau's famous quote might as well have been, 'If you don't need it, don't do it,' which perfectly sums up the procrastination habits of most college students too..
• Headline: BIGGER DUTCH NAVY URGED; Commission Advises Construction of Three Battle Cruisers. Impact: This call for a bigger navy inadvertently inspired future naval architects to take their designs to absurd extremes, resulting in battleships that could have doubled as floating hotels.. Fact: If you think building three battle cruisers is excessive, just wait until you see what the Dutch consider a 'casual boat ride'!.