SEPTEMBER 19, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Farragut Academy Begins New School Year. Impact: The opening of Farragut Academy marked the beginning of a chain reaction that would eventually lead to the creation of a secret society of scholars who believed they could time travel through the power of knowledge. Spoiler alert: they couldn't.. Fact: Did you know that Farragut Academy's mascot is a time-traveling squirrel? Just kidding, they don't have one. But it would be cool!.
• Headline: Two Interned on U.S. Ship in France. Impact: This incident of seizing men on a ship inadvertently inspired the invention of the 'not-so-secret' handshake among sailors to identify fellow patriots, which later evolved into a wildly popular dance move.. Fact: You know, back in the day, people thought being on a ship meant you were automatically a pirate. Spoiler: these guys were just trying to get a snack..
• Headline: Officers Meet Amidst Ongoing Conflicts. Impact: The meetings at Brest-Litovsk were so intense that they inspired an entire genre of dramatic plays about military negotiations, leading to the unfortunate rise of overly serious dinner parties in the 1920s.. Fact: Fun fact: the term 'parley' is just fancy pirate talk for 'let's argue about how to split the loot.'.
• Headline: WINDSOR, A GENERAL, WILL GET STAFF JOB; Expected to Assume Post With Forces in France Soon. Impact: By giving up his field marshal rank, the Duke of Windsor inadvertently set off a fashion trend for military uniforms in the wrong places, leading to the bizarre trend of wearing them to tea parties.. Fact: The Duke’s real claim to fame? He once attempted to make tea with a tank. Spoiler: it didn’t go well..
• Headline: BORAH SEES ALLIES 'PULLING PUNCHES'; Idaho Senator Contends There Is 'Something Phoney' About the European War SAYS TURKEY WILL SWITCH Chances Are Now Increased for Peace, He States, Except That 'Britain Is on a Spot'. Impact: Senator Borah’s comments about the Allies 'pulling punches' sparked a wave of conspiracy theories that the entire war was just a poorly scripted reality show, leading to the invention of 'WarTube'.. Fact: Did you know that in the realm of conspiracy theories, the 'something phoney' about the war is still being debated by internet trolls today? Welcome to the future!.
• Headline: Reich Jews Lose on Job Pensions. Impact: The loss of job pensions for Reich Jews set off a ripple effect that led to the creation of underground networks for financial survival, eventually inspiring the plot of many spy novels.. Fact: This situation is a tragic reminder of how financial security can vanish faster than your friend’s will to share dessert at a restaurant..
• Headline: NIGHT BRINGS HOME WAR TO BERLINERS; Blackout Chief Indication of Conflict, Since Rationing Existed Before LUXURIES ARE DWINDLING Coffee, Butter and Soap Now Almost Impossible to Get-- Cleanliness a Problem. Impact: The blackout in Berlin not only highlighted the war's impact but also inspired Berliners to get creative with candlelight dinners, leading to a miraculous resurgence of romance during times of hardship.. Fact: In a twist of fate, the shortages of coffee and butter led to the creation of the first 'survival cooking' show—where contestants had to make gourmet meals out of rationed items. Spoiler: it was a disaster..
• Headline: Greece Imposes Defense Taxes. Impact: The imposition of defense taxes in Greece led to an unexpected boom in the black market for tax evasion tips, which later inspired countless comedy skits about Greek financial woes.. Fact: Fun fact: Tax evasion was so popular that it became the national sport. Just kidding, but it might as well have been!.
• Headline: LANDON AND KNOX CALLED TO ATTEND EMBARGO PARLEY; INVITED TO WHITE HOUSE CONFERENCE. Impact: The embargo parley at the White House not only failed to solve anything but also provided the perfect excuse for politicians to create endless committees, resulting in a bureaucratic nightmare that still haunts us today.. Fact: Did you know that 'parley' is just a fancy term for 'let's sit around and not agree on anything'? Because that’s what politicians do best!.
• Headline: DENIES ENDORSING PACT; League for Peace and Democracy Withdrew Early Statement. Impact: The League for Peace and Democracy's withdrawal of endorsement became the benchmark for all future organizations that wanted to play it safe, leading to a world where commitment is as rare as a unicorn.. Fact: In a shocking twist, the League's early statement was so vague that it could have been a fortune cookie message. Talk about low expectations!.