AUGUST 28, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Woodring Wins Camp Perry Test. Impact: Woodring's victory at Camp Perry not only solidified his place in shooting sports history but also inspired countless future marksmen, including a young sniper who, centuries later, would accidentally shoot a hole in a very important treaty document. Oops!. Fact: Did you know that if you shoot a target enough times, it might just feel like a personal attack? Not that Woodring needed to worry about that!.
• Headline: Union Supports Communist Candidate in Brooklyn. Impact: Cacchione's Communist backing may have inspired a long line of politicians who believed that joining a union could score them the ultimate 'Get Out of Jail Free' card... until they discovered that 'union' doesn't mean 'get away with anything.'. Fact: The Cooks Union backing a Communist candidate? It’s like a pizza shop endorsing a diet plan. Deliciously ironic!.
• Headline: Social Security Act Claims Begin in 1940. Impact: The $144 million in benefits set a precedent that not only shaped future social security debates but also inspired at least one conspiracy theorist who believed the money was being used to fund the moon landing. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.. Fact: Social Security: the only system where you pay in for decades and hope to get something back before you turn into dust!.
• Headline: Mrs. Mooney Kaye Has Son. Impact: Mrs. Mooney Kaye having a son might just be the turning point for a future family dynasty—if only they knew that one day, their family reunions would require a small stadium to accommodate everyone!. Fact: Having a son is great, but have you tried having a daughter? It's like having a mini version of yourself that occasionally has better fashion sense!.
• Headline: ACTORS' ROW GOES TO SECRET PARLEY; Officials of Four A's and the Stagehands Meet on Coast to Seek Settlement. Impact: The secret parley between actors could be seen as the first inkling that Hollywood would become the place where people negotiate deals in fancy restaurants instead of on movie sets. Spoiler alert: it didn't change much.. Fact: Secret meetings among actors? Sounds like a plot twist in a poorly-written soap opera. Tune in next week for more drama!.
• Headline: 350 OF PAX ROMANA HEAR PARIS BISHOP; ATTENDING PAX ROMANA INTERNATIONAL CONGRESS HERE. Impact: The attendance of 350 at the Pax Romana congress may have sparked a series of discussions leading to the eventual realization that peace conferences often lead to more arguments than actual peace. Who knew?. Fact: Pax Romana means 'Roman Peace.' But let's be real; it was more like 'let's try not to kill each other for a bit.'.
• Headline: FUEHRER INSISTENT; HITLER HAILED BY REICHSTAG MEMBERS CALLED TO SUDDEN ASSEMBLY YESTERDAY AT BERLIN CHANCELLERY. Impact: Hitler's insistence during the Reichstag assembly solidified his grip on power, ultimately leading to World War II. If only someone had suggested a nice game of charades instead.. Fact: The Reichstag assembly: where history was made and bad decisions were plentiful. It’s like a group project gone horribly wrong!.
• Headline: New Bedford Nine on Top. Impact: The New Bedford Nine's dominance over NYAC might have inspired a long-standing rivalry that would eventually lead to a series of friendly (and not so friendly) competitions to claim the title of 'Most Overhyped Sports Team.'. Fact: Being on top doesn’t just mean winning; it also means getting the most fan mail and the most enemies. Congratulations, New Bedford Nine!.
• Headline: Daughter to the A.F. Kings Jr.. Impact: A.F. Kings Jr. having a daughter might have inadvertently influenced a future generation of women to take over the world, one boardroom at a time. Watch out, patriarchy!. Fact: Having a daughter means you've got a future CEO in the making. Just wait until she starts negotiating her allowance!.
• Headline: Kraft Leads Casters. Impact: Kraft leading the casters could be seen as the moment when fishing transitioned from a leisurely pastime to an aggressive competitive sport—leading to the eventual rise of fishing reality shows. Because who doesn’t want to watch people catching fish on TV?. Fact: Fishing as a sport: because sitting quietly on a boat wasn't boring enough without a scoreboard!.