AUGUST 26, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: France Stands Firm Against Hitler's Threat. Impact: The French resolve to confront Hitler, while initially appearing brave, inadvertently set off a chain of events leading to a series of global conflicts and the eventual creation of a crossword puzzle on 'How to Avoid War.'. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'bluffing' was first used by poker players in the 19th century? Too bad nobody told the French this before they decided to take a stand!.
• Headline: Fusion Party Designation in 1939. Impact: The Fusion party's designation of candidates became the basis for every future political coalition that would awkwardly attempt to combine disparate ideologies and ultimately lead to dinner party debates about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. Fact: Did you know that the term 'fusion' in politics often means 'let's just throw a bunch of ideas together and hope something sticks'? Kind of like my last attempt at cooking.
• Headline: Mead Faces Athletic Commission Inquiry. Impact: Mead's appearance at the board meeting set off a series of events that would later inspire a popular reality TV show called 'Athletes Under Pressure,' where the stakes are high, and so is the drama. Fact: Did you know that explaining charges is just a fancy way of saying, 'I have no idea what I did wrong, but I'm here to make it entertaining!'.
• Headline: ONE GUILTY IN STREET ROW; Two-Week Hearing on Bronx Disorders Is Ended. Impact: The guilty verdict in the Bronx street row incident led to a series of neighborhood watch programs that were more effective at gossiping than actually preventing crime. Fact: Did you know that street rows often result in more drama than a soap opera? This one just happened to have a judge instead of a script!.
• Headline: LEPKE COMES IN. Impact: Lepke's comments on Buchalter's capture marked the beginning of a long tradition of mobsters making headlines, which would later inspire countless movies, making it seem like crime truly does pay... in Hollywood. Fact: Did you know that the mob has a great PR team? They really know how to spin a capture into a blockbuster movie deal!.
• Headline: Murray and Graven Register a 70 To Take Medal at Seawane Club; Two Under Par, They Top Field of 64 Teams in Invitation Best-Ball Golf Tourney-- Van Nostrand-Winant Post a 71. Impact: Murray and Graven's golf victory not only awarded them a medal but also set a precedent for future golfers who would think they could also achieve fame with just a little luck and a lot of practice (and perhaps some magical golf balls). Fact: Did you know that golf is the only sport where you can yell 'fore!' and still be considered polite? It’s like golf’s version of 'watch out!'.
• Headline: Motor Cycle Driver Dies. Impact: J Woods' tragic motorcycle incident sparked a campaign for better safety regulations, which ultimately led to the invention of the helmet that looks like a unicorn—because why not make safety fun?. Fact: Did you know that motorcycle helmets were once considered optional? Much like wearing pants at home—until someone decided to make it mandatory!.
• Headline: DENKER TRIUMPHS OVER MOTI-SMITH; State Chess Champion Wins in 10 Moves to Increase Lead. Impact: Denker's chess victory in just 10 moves inspired a generation of chess players to believe they, too, could win quickly, leading to a series of baffling games and a lot of very confused spectators. Fact: Did you know that chess is the only game where you can lose in fewer moves than it takes to explain the rules? Talk about efficiency!.
• Headline: SEES GLASS JOBS AMPLE; Union Officer Says Machines Aid Employment in Trade. Impact: H H Cook's proclamation about machines aiding employment in glass jobs led to a future where robots would take over not just factory jobs, but also our social lives, leaving us to wonder if we should befriend our toaster. Fact: Did you know that most people still don't trust machines? But hey, if they can help us get a job, maybe we should let them take our resumes too!.