AUGUST 22, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mrs. E.B. Phipps Weds E.J. Reeves. Impact: If E.J. Reeves hadn't gotten married, he might have become the world's most eligible bachelor, leading to a reality show that would eventually spark the rise of influencers. Thanks, Mrs. Phipps, for ruining our future TV programming!. Fact: Did you know that wedding vows used to include the promise to never join a reality show? Just kidding, that was probably just a good idea..
• Headline: Zionist Bloc Dispute and London Taxi Guest. Impact: The Americans returning with a London cabby sparked a trend in transportation tourism, leading to the eventual rise of ride-sharing apps. So, thank you, E.A. Barnes, for paving the way for Uber drivers everywhere!. Fact: Did you know that before ride-sharing apps, the most reliable way to get a cab was to just wave your hand like a confused stork?.
• Headline: City Hall Park Development Bids Opened. Impact: This bid for planting at City Hall Park was the beginning of a long-standing tradition of municipal spending that would eventually lead to cities spending millions on questionable art installations. Hooray for modern 'art'!. Fact: Did you know that the first city park was just a piece of land where they tried to figure out how to avoid mowing lawns?.
• Headline: WHEELER TO RUN AGAIN; Asked About Presidency, Senator Says He Would Retain Seat. Impact: Senator Wheeler's decision to run again inspired countless other politicians to cling to their seats like a toddler to a parent at a party. Because who doesn’t want to see more of the same, right?. Fact: Did you know that ‘running for office’ used to mean literally running? Senators had to sprint to the podium to deliver their speeches. Talk about a workout!.
• Headline: CALM ON U-BOAT REPORT; U.S. Officials Uninformed of Any Nazi Aims on Martinique. Impact: The calm on U-boat reports was the start of a long history of governments being 'uninformed' about impending disasters, leading to the classic bureaucratic motto: 'If we ignore it, maybe it won't happen.' Spoiler alert: it usually does.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'U-boat' is actually short for 'underwater boat'? Because calling it a 'submarine' was just too mainstream..
• Headline: New Postal Station Opens. Impact: The opening of a new postal station led to the eventual idea of mailboxes being used as ‘drop-off points’ for all the junk mail we receive today. Thanks, postal service, for giving us piles of paper to recycle!. Fact: Did you know that the first postal service was just a guy on a horse who charged by the letter? Good luck explaining that to your kids!.
• Headline: ALASKA PLAN GETS HOPEFUL REPLIES; But 500 Prospective Settlers Ask Ickes for More Data on the Opportunities BUSINESS ALSO RESPONDS Its Inquiries Are on Phase Looking to Corporations Financing Colonists. Impact: The hopeful replies on the Alaska plan led to the gold rush, which ultimately inspired countless movies about treasure hunting. So, if you ever wanted to thank a postal worker, do it for their contribution to Hollywood!. Fact: Did you know that the motto of Alaska is 'North to the Future'? Which, coincidentally, is also what people say when they realize they forgot to pay their heating bill..
• Headline: Maharana Visits the Fair. Impact: The Maharana's visit to the fair was the first known instance of royalty attempting to mingle with the common folk, paving the way for modern-day celebrity appearances at state fairs. Now we have influencers doing the same, but with more selfies.. Fact: Did you know that fairs were originally just an excuse for people to show off their livestock? Because nothing says 'let's have fun' like a cow competition!.