AUGUST 19, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pioneer Parachute Co Develops Silk Substitute. Impact: If H.R. Mallory hadn't been so obsessed with synthetic fabrics, we might still be jumping out of planes wrapped in silk from endangered moths. Thank you, polyester, for saving the butterflies and our parachuting habits.. Fact: Parachuting used to be a sport of kings, but now it's just a thrilling way to avoid your problems... literally..
• Headline: Campbell's Historic Speed Trial on Water. Impact: Campbell's boat zooming at 134 mph was the spark that ignited a global obsession with speed, leading to everyone racing everywhere... including to the grocery store.. Fact: The Bluebird II's engine was so close to bursting, it was basically the boat version of a teenager on a caffeinated sugar rush..
• Headline: Ford's Defiance of NLRB Order. Impact: Ford defying the NLRB? That's classic! This little act of rebellion rippled through time to inspire a whole new generation of corporate defiance—because who needs labor rights when you can have chaos?. Fact: The NLRB stands for National Labor Relations Board, but it might as well stand for 'No Love for Rebels' in this scenario..
• Headline: Lithuania Sets Up Trade Body. Impact: Lithuania establishing a trade body was like laying the first brick in a grand economic wall. Little did they know, this would eventually lead to the EU's complex trade negotiations and endless paperwork.. Fact: Trade bodies are like the adult version of lemonade stands—only now you have to pay taxes and follow regulations..
• Headline: Prime Minister and Roper Sign. Impact: The U.S.-Canada air pact signed by the Prime Minister and Roper was the start of a beautiful friendship that would lead to many awkward family reunions between the two countries. 'Sorry, eh!'. Fact: Air pacts are basically just countries agreeing to play nice in the sky while still secretly competing over who has the better maple syrup..
• Headline: GASOLINE HIGHER ON OIL SHUTDOWN; Refiners' Market Develops in the Mid-Continent Area-- Retail Price Steady WRIT ISSUED IN ARKANSAS Court Stops State Police From Keeping Wells Closed--Ickes to Protect Motorists Quit Posting of Prices Some Support From Michigan Ickes to Protect Motorists. Impact: The oil industry shutting down wells was like a toddler throwing a tantrum over playtime. The ripple effects led to gas price hikes, making everyone rethink their life choices—like walking or biking.. Fact: Gas prices rising is the adult version of finding out your favorite snack is sold out; it just hurts more when you're at the pump..
• Headline: GREEK LEADER ARRIVES; Manthos Matheou, Veterans' Chief, to Meet War Heroes Here. Impact: Manthos Matheou's arrival in the U.S. to meet war heroes was the start of a transatlantic camaraderie that would lead to countless barbecues and awkward family gatherings. 'So, how was the war?'. Fact: Meeting war heroes is basically the adult equivalent of show-and-tell, except the stories are much more intense and the snacks are less likely to be cookies..
• Headline: BRITAIN RULES OUT TALKS WITH JAPAN ON ECONOMIC ISSUE; Currency and Silver Demands at Tientsin Cannot Be Met, Craigie Tells Arita TOKYO PRESS IS ANGERED Immediate Break-Up of Parley Is Predicted--Attitude of U.S. Causes Hesitation Two Japanese Demands Firmer Attitude Seen BRITAIN RULES OUT TALKS WITH JAPAN U.S. Is Informed Britons Again Warned Japanese on Hong Kong Border. Impact: Britain's refusal to talk to Japan over economic issues was like slamming the door in a neighbor's face, setting the stage for future diplomatic tension—because nothing says 'we're friends' like avoiding a conversation.. Fact: Refusing to negotiate is basically the international equivalent of saying, 'I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.'.
• Headline: OTHER CORPORATE REPORTS; DOUGLAS AIRCRAFT INCREASES INCOME. Impact: Douglas Aircraft's increased income was like the little engine that could, pushing the aviation industry forward into a future of jets and air travel—because who doesn't want to be sardined in a metal tube at 30,000 feet?. Fact: Increased income for aircraft companies means more planes in the sky, which is great until you realize you’re still stuck in traffic on the ground..