AUGUST 13, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mendelssohn Bank Delays Moratorium Filing. Impact: This monumental delay in filing created a bureaucratic ripple that would eventually lead to a world where no one can seem to file their taxes on time. Thanks, Mendelssohn Bank, for the eternal procrastination we all suffer from today.. Fact: Did you know that if you ever feel overwhelmed by paperwork, just remember that someone, somewhere, is probably taking an entire weekend to prepare a single bank statement?.
• Headline: Short-Wave Broadcasts Reach Global Audiences. Impact: The falling short waves were the original influencers, causing a chain reaction that led to the rise of podcasting. Yes, somewhere, a DJ in New York is responsible for your 12-hour binge of true crime podcasts.. Fact: Short waves were actually invented to make sure people could hear the weather report before heading out—because who wouldn’t want to know if it’s raining cats and dogs before stepping outside?.
• Headline: Dahl's Literary Journey in Spain. Impact: Dahl's literary endeavors inadvertently set off a literary trend of authors penning books about countries they’ve just visited, leading to a global obsession with travel writing and the rise of Instagram influencers, all thanks to one author in custody.. Fact: Did you know that writing a book while in custody is actually a great way to avoid doing time? At least you get a bestseller out of it!.
• Headline: EGYPT GETS INDIA TROOPS; 7,000 to Land in Cairo Tomorrow as Reinforcements. Impact: The arrival of troops radically altered the course of Egyptian history, leading to a series of events that would ultimately contribute to the rise of modern political dynamics in the Middle East. All thanks to a few thousand soldiers who probably just wanted to go on vacation.. Fact: Did you know that sending troops as reinforcements is like sending a pizza to a party you weren’t invited to? You show up hoping to be appreciated but only cause more chaos..
• Headline: DRAFT NEW BILLS AS AID TO HOUSING; Merchants to Press for Legislation to Attract Investment of Private FundsTO ASSURE SOUND VALUESLimited Dividends and TaxAbatements Are Among Features of Plan. Impact: This legislative move spawned an endless cycle of political promises that would lead to a housing crisis, complete with politicians arguing about the best way to fix it—because nothing screams 'solution' like endless debates.. Fact: Did you know that 'limited dividends' is just a fancy way of saying 'we promise you won’t get rich'? Sounds like a great investment opportunity, right?.
• Headline: Sarazen Posts 73 for 210 at Pittsburgh; Leads Shute by a Stroke in Golf Tourney; SARAZEN POSTS 210 TO LEAD BY STROKE. Impact: Sarazen's lead not only inspired a generation of golfers to obsessively track their scores but also led to the invention of golf tournaments that take way too long to finish. Thanks, Sarazen, for the eternal Sunday slow play.. Fact: Fun fact: Golf is the only sport where you can yell at a ball and still be considered a gentleman..
• Headline: British Racing Driver Killed. Impact: The tragic death of Sir J. E. Bowen marked a significant moment in racing history, prompting tighter safety regulations and reshaping the sport forever. Safety first, folks.. Fact: In the world of racing, this loss highlights the stark realities of speed and danger, reminding us that sometimes, the need for adrenaline can come with a hefty price..