AUGUST 10, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Armour's Rehiring Plan Averts Strike. Impact: The rehiring of these 13 men sparked a mini-revolution in the packing industry, inspiring future labor movements. Thanks to their reinstatement, a secret society of disgruntled meat packers formed, ultimately leading to the invention of the 'Meatball Revolution' where all disputes were settled by who could make the best spaghetti.. Fact: Did you know that if every meat packer in history had a dollar for every time they almost went on strike, they'd probably have enough to start their own gourmet meat restaurant?.
• Headline: Libel Suit Against Communist Party Leaders. Impact: This libel lawsuit created a bizarre ripple in the legal system, leading to the establishment of a fictional 'Communist Party Legal Defense Fund' comprised entirely of rubber chickens. In a strange twist, it ultimately influenced the creation of reality TV, where people sued each other for the most ludicrous reasons.. Fact: Fun fact: If only Mrs. Liggett had known that 'libel' is just a fancy word for 'I’m really mad at you,' she might have opted for a strongly worded letter instead..
• Headline: Dramatic Drop in Berlin Crime Rates. Impact: The 80% decrease in crime rates in Berlin led to an unexpected boom in tourism, as everyone flocked to see the 'crime-less' wonderland. Ironically, this led to the rise of crime-themed souvenir shops selling 'I survived Berlin's crime wave' t-shirts.. Fact: Did you know that this drop in crime rates was so dramatic that it inspired a popular dance called the 'Berlin Shuffle'? It’s mostly just people trying to avoid conflict in the streets..
• Headline: HUGE MEETING SET; Foerster, Back From His Meeting With Hitler, Will Answer Poles VISIT BY CIANO FORESEEN He Is Expected to Confer With Germans on the Free City-- Hungarian Is Sounded. Impact: Foerster's meeting with Hitler inadvertently sparked a series of awkward diplomatic dinners, where the phrase 'let's keep it neutral' became a running joke, eventually leading to the world's first 'unofficial' international potluck.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'diplomatic immunity' was actually coined after someone tried to serve cold leftovers to a visiting dignitary?.
• Headline: Reserve Corps Orders. Impact: The Reserve Corps orders were a turning point that led to the creation of the 'Corps of Underappreciated Bureaucrats,' whose sole mission was to ensure that paperwork was always in order, no matter the cost. They eventually became the main characters in a popular sitcom.. Fact: Did you know that the average lifespan of a bureaucratic order is about as long as a fruit fly? But hey, at least the fruit fly gets to fly around!.
• Headline: BELGRADE NEUTRAL; Premier to Fly to Italy Today to Reject the Demands of Axis USE OF ARMS THREATENED Italo-Reich Proposals Include Taking Over Railroads and Nation's Foodstuffs. Impact: Belgrade's neutrality inspired a global trend of countries trying to avoid conflict by simply refusing to pick sides. This eventually resulted in a bizarre international game of dodgeball, where nations would literally dodge each other's alliances.. Fact: Did you know that the Italian phrase for 'I refuse to choose' translates to 'no grazie, I’ll just have the breadsticks'?.
• Headline: POLISH ENVOY FINDS PEACE OUTLOOK DIM; Potocki Believes Only a Miracle Can Provide a Solution of Europe's Problems DOUBTS HITLER CAN DELAY Ambassador Believes Alliance Will Be Too Strong Unless Reich Strikes Soon. Impact: Polish envoy Potocki's grim outlook led to a secret society of diplomats who met in dark alleyways to discuss alternative peace solutions—none of which involved actual peace. They eventually evolved into an underground comedy troupe.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'only a miracle can save us' became a popular catchphrase among politicians, often used as a punchline at their own expense?.
• Headline: BRAZIL PAYS ON U.S. LOAN; Makes First 10% Remittance on $19,200,000 Credit. Impact: Brazil's timely loan payment caused a ripple effect in international finance, inadvertently inspiring a group of economists to develop a 'Pay It Forward' system, which has somehow managed to include overpriced lattes in today's economy.. Fact: Did you know that if Brazil paid off all its loans with coffee beans, we'd probably be in a global caffeine crisis right now?.
• Headline: Bulgaria Has Severe Earthquake. Impact: The severe earthquake in Bulgaria not only shook the ground but also set off a wave of architectural innovation, as builders became obsessed with creating the world's first earthquake-proof building made entirely of marshmallows.. Fact: Did you know that marshmallows are not only excellent for s'mores but also surprisingly good at absorbing seismic waves? Or at least, that’s what they tell us at the marshmallow factory..