JULY 26, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Chorus Pay Cuts and Equity Grants. Impact: The plea for pay cuts might have set off a chain reaction where all theater productions started paying their actors in pizza slices, drastically changing the culinary landscape of Broadway.. Fact: Equity grants? Sounds fancy! But really, it’s just a polite way to say, 'We don’t want to pay you, but we’ll throw you a bone… maybe.'.
• Headline: GREECE HONORS IMPORTER; Williams Named Commander of Royal Order of the Phoenix. Impact: Williams being named Commander of the Royal Order of the Phoenix might have accidentally inspired a secret society of wizards in Greece, leading to the magical downfall of reality TV.. Fact: Being named Commander of the Royal Order of the Phoenix sounds impressive until you realize it’s just a title that won’t help you in a trivia contest!.
• Headline: LION TERRIFIES CROWD; Breaks From Cage at Watertown and Claws Attendants. Impact: The lion's escape could have inspired an underground movement where zoo animals began advocating for their rights, resulting in a future where animals run for office.. Fact: Did you know that lions are just large, furry house cats with an attitude? I guess they just wanted a taste of the wild side!.
• Headline: Fendler Boy Found Alive in Woods Fight Days After Becoming Lost; FOUND IN MAINE WOODS. Impact: The miraculous survival of the Fendler boy may have sparked a worldwide trend of kids getting lost in the woods, leading to a bizarre reality show called 'Lost and Found: Kid Edition.'. Fact: Being lost in the woods is actually a rite of passage in some families—just make sure to pack snacks and a good map!.
• Headline: Named to Genetics Congress. Impact: The naming of U.S. delegates to the Genetics Congress may have inadvertently led to a timeline where scientists successfully clone dinosaurs, resulting in 'Jurassic Park' becoming a documentary series.. Fact: Genetics Congress sounds like a nerdy superhero team-up, but spoiler alert: they mostly just argue about who gets to wear the lab coat..
• Headline: 'Lucky Number Contests' To Be Held Each Weekday. Impact: Lucky number contests may have created a parallel universe where everyone believes their fortune lies in numbers, leading to a world dominated by mathletes and accountants ruling the day.. Fact: Lucky number contests are a reminder that, in a world full of problems, the best solution is often just rolling the dice and hoping for the best!.
• Headline: CHAMPAGNE PLEA DENIED; Liquor Authority Refuses to Permit 4-Ounce Bottles. Impact: The refusal to allow 4-ounce bottles could have accidentally led to a revolution in cocktail culture, where people started mixing drinks in thimbles, sparking a global trend of tiny drinks.. Fact: The Liquor Authority has the power to control your drinking experience, which is basically like letting your parents set a curfew for your adult beverage choices!.