JULY 10, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Caterpillars Attack World's Fair Tomatoes. Impact: The $10,000 tomatoes became a symbol of agricultural extravagance, prompting future generations to invent genetically modified vegetables that could survive nuclear fallout but taste like wet cardboard.. Fact: Those caterpillars probably thought they were getting a fancy dinner, unaware they were crashing the most expensive party in town!.
• Headline: Nighttime Auto Accidents in 1939. Impact: The 'DANGER BY NIGHT' report led to an increase in night-vision goggles, which eventually became a fashion statement for hipsters in the 21st century. Now, everyone wants to look cool while bumping into things in the dark.. Fact: If you think auto accidents are bad at night, just wait until you see what happens when people try to parallel park with night-vision goggles!.
• Headline: SPEED BOAT TITLE TAKEN BY COOPER; Veteran Pilot Annexes Last 2 Heats of 225 Class for New Jersey Laurels SCHRAFFT IS RUNNER-UP Second on Points, Although Forced Out of Final Race --Crawford a Victor. Impact: Cooper's speedboat title win inspired a new wave of adrenaline junkies who thought they could achieve the same level of glory by racing lawnmowers, leading to the annual Lawn Mower Grand Prix – complete with sponsorships from gardening companies.. Fact: Despite being inboard champs, no one has ever figured out why racing boats don't come with a complimentary life jacket – just in case the driver takes an unexpected swim..
• Headline: 15,000 NEW 'OWNERS' VISIT KAHN ESTATE; DEPARTMENT OF SANITATION WORKERS TAKE OVER THEIR LONG ISLAND ESTATE. Impact: The Kahn estate takeover by sanitation workers sparked a nationwide movement for 'workplace takeovers,' inspiring a generation of disgruntled employees to dream of claiming office buildings as their own, resulting in the Great Cubicle Revolution of the 1950s.. Fact: 15,000 new 'owners' sounds like a great startup idea. Too bad they weren’t actually getting the property, just a chance to rant about their job over coffee!.
• Headline: Navy, FSA Posts Reported Offered McNutt; '40 Possibilities Believed Guiding Roosevelt. Impact: McNutt's potential appointment was the catalyst for a series of bureaucratic reshuffles that resulted in the infamous 'McNutt Syndrome' where no one wanted to be the next person to make a decision, leading to a decade of indecisive government.. Fact: If you think the political landscape is a mess now, just imagine if McNutt had actually taken the job – he could have been the first Secretary of Confusion!.
• Headline: Hyndman Gains Golf Title. Impact: Hyndman's golf title win ignited an obsession with golf that led to the creation of 'extreme golf' – a sport involving cliff edges and alligators, which, unsurprisingly, resulted in many injuries and one unfortunate reality show.. Fact: Winning a golf title is like the adult version of winning a pie-eating contest – only people care less about how you actually did it..
• Headline: WASHINGTON TURNS TO A 'SHOWDOWN' ON ARMS EMBARGO; Senate Committee's Vote Tomorrow Is Expected to Decide Session Length GROUP CLOSELY DIVIDED Roosevelt Power in Congress Also Faces Test This Week on Lending Bill. Impact: The showdown over the arms embargo became a pivotal moment, influencing future political debates where everyone suddenly became an expert on international relations, often while standing in line for coffee.. Fact: When it comes to arms embargoes, Congress is the kid in the back of the classroom who just can't decide between playing with action figures or studying world peace..
• Headline: Dodgers Get New Line Coach. Impact: The Dodgers hiring a new line coach was the beginning of a series of questionable coaching decisions that led to a reality sports show where coaches compete to see who can make the worst call – bringing new meaning to 'playing the field.'. Fact: Getting a new line coach is like changing your hairstyle – everyone pretends it’s a big deal, but deep down, they’re just waiting for the next scandal..
• Headline: ALBANY TO TAKE UP SCHOOLS CUT TODAY; Republican Leaders Expect Legislature to Meet Only Three Hours. Impact: Albany's brief discussion on school cuts became a blueprint for future budget meetings, where the phrase 'let's just meet for three hours and hope for the best' became the mantra of politicians everywhere.. Fact: When the legislature meets for only three hours, you can bet they spent the first two arguing about what snacks to order!.