JULY 9, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Britain's Diplomatic Stance in 1939. Impact: Britain's warning turns out to be the first tweet of the 20th century, sending ripples of diplomatic tension that eventually lead to future generations arguing over the best tea blends.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'tea and sympathy' originated from this very moment? Just kidding, but wouldn't that make for a great sitcom?.
• Headline: Celebrating Actors' Transformative Makeup. Impact: The rise of make-up in film leads to an entire industry dedicated to hiding the fact that actors are, in fact, just humans. This eventually culminates in the creation of reality TV, proving that humanity loves to see the veneer peel off.. Fact: If you think make-up is just for actors, wait until you see the transformations in the average Zoom meeting!.
• Headline: MORE POWER FOR WBNX. Impact: WBNX's power increase allows for a new wave of conspiracy theories about the government's mind-control radio waves, ultimately leading to an underground movement of tin-foil hat enthusiasts.. Fact: Speaking of radio waves, did you know that the only thing they're good at is broadcasting more ads for products you don't need?.
• Headline: 23,000,000th Auto on Bridge. Impact: The 23,000,000th car crossing the bridge ignites a movement towards better infrastructure, but only after everyone realizes the bridge is now the world's largest traffic jam.. Fact: Fun fact: that bridge is still jammed to this day. Welcome to rush hour, where you'll always be a number!.
• Headline: ALONG THE WORLD'S FAR-FLUNG AIRWAYS; TWO MOTOR TYPE VIE Builders of Liquid-Cooled And Air-Cooled Engines Battle for Supremacy. Impact: The battle between air-cooled and liquid-cooled engines sparks a heated debate that leads to a new form of social media: 'Engine Wars,' where enthusiasts gather to argue about the best way to cool off.. Fact: In a twist of fate, this debate leads to the creation of a reality show called 'Fast and Furious: Cool Your Engines,' which, shockingly, has nothing to do with the actual cooling of engines..
• Headline: VENICE FESTIVAL. Impact: The Venice Festival's plans send ripples through the arts, leading to an explosion of hipster music festivals that eventually lead to the rise of avocado toast.. Fact: Did you know that Venice's canals are just the original Instagram filters? No need for editing—just add a gondola!.
• Headline: FOR AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHERS; PRIZES LURE PHOTO FANS Contests Offer a Means Of Making the Camera Pay Its Own Way. Impact: Amateur photography contests lead to a worldwide obsession with capturing the most mundane moments of life, paving the way for influencers who think every meal deserves a photoshoot.. Fact: Here's a fun fact: the reason your friend posts pictures of their lunch is that they think it's their ticket to fame. Spoiler: it isn't..
• Headline: PLATTSBURG CAMP INDUCTS 1,800 BOYS; Dr. Ward, Head of Normal School Near By, Warns of Rise of Totalitarianism CALLS C. M. T. C. ANTIDOTE Citizen Soldiers Are Welcomed by Colonel Crystal--Oath Is Given to Ft. Niagara Group. Impact: The Plattsburg Camp's induction of boys as citizen soldiers foreshadows a future where 'totalitarianism' becomes a buzzword for every political debate, leading to a society where everyone thinks they're an armchair general.. Fact: Dr. Ward's warning about totalitarianism is so chilling, it inspired a horror movie. Spoiler alert: the real horror is watching the news..
• Headline: LEHMAN LINKS GOAL OF U.S. TO RELIGION; Tells Christian Endeavorers Groups Like Theirs Are Best Bulwark Against 'Isms'. Impact: Governor Lehman's connection of religion to the goals of the U.S. sets off a chain reaction of political sermons that ultimately leads to social media influencers using the Bible to justify their lifestyles.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Isms' were just a way for people to describe what they don't understand—kind of like how we use the term 'adulting' today!.