JULY 4, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mary C. Emerson's 1939 Detroit Wedding. Impact: Mary C. Emerson's marriage to Josiah Macy Jr. set off a chain reaction of wedding bells that eventually led to a nationwide obsession with extravagant weddings. You can thank them for those 10-hour YouTube videos teaching you how to fold napkins into swans.. Fact: Did you know that Josiah Macy Jr. was actually a distant relative of the famous department store founder? I guess they really believed in keeping it all in the family!.
• Headline: Montauk Jewel Heist Shakes Community. Impact: The $10,000 jewel theft at Montauk caused a ripple effect in the jewelry insurance industry, leading to the invention of bedazzled body armor for high-end jewelers. Fashion meets function, right?. Fact: Did you know that bloodhounds have a better success rate at finding missing socks than catching jewel thieves? Those pesky thieves have a knack for eluding detection...just like my will to do laundry..
• Headline: City Refutes Putsch Rumors Amid Tensions. Impact: The Free City decrying alarmist rumors about a putsch led to a nationwide trend of political denialism, eventually culminating in people claiming the sky is green because they saw it on social media. Thanks for that, Nazis!. Fact: Did you know that 'Putsch' is just the German word for 'coup'? Who knew that political jargon could sound so much like a sneeze?.
• Headline: JAILED ON RELIEF CHARGE; Couple With Trust Fund Sentenced on Failure to Repay. Impact: The couple jailed for relief charge ignited a wave of 'trust fund kids gone rogue' narratives, leading to an increase in reality TV shows that glorify bad financial decisions. Thanks for that, America!. Fact: Did you know that trust funds usually come with a disclaimer: 'Use funds responsibly, or you'll end up in the news for all the wrong reasons'?.
• Headline: Fragments of Meteor Hunted By Scientists in Oregon Wilds; Quest Is Centered Through Calculations From Reports of Men Who Witnessed Sky Explosion From Two Mountains. Impact: The hunt for meteor fragments in Oregon sparked a nationwide obsession with outer space, leading to countless conspiracy theories about aliens and the sudden popularity of tinfoil hats. Beware of the sky!. Fact: Did you know that scientists estimate that the odds of finding meteor fragments are about as good as finding a decent parking spot in a crowded city? Good luck!.
• Headline: CHANGE OP EMBRYO INTO CELL DEPICTED; Yale Scientist Describes Stage at Which Protoplasm Forms Structure of Organs CELL EVOLUTION SHOWN Symposium at Leland Stanford Hears MathematicalNeed Is the Cause. Impact: The depiction of cell evolution at Yale laid the groundwork for future bioengineering breakthroughs, including the ability to genetically modify your plants to sing show tunes. Because why not?. Fact: Did you know that protoplasm sounds like a fancy word for 'cell goo'? Science is just a fancy way of saying 'we're still figuring this out'..
• Headline: MISS MARY C. WHELAN; Ex-Aide in Federal Narcotics Bureau Here Was an Attorney. Impact: Miss Mary C. Whelan's career in narcotics law paved the way for future lawyers to realize that being an attorney is just as thrilling as watching paint dry. Kudos to her for the excitement!. Fact: Did you know that working in the narcotics bureau is often described as a 'high-pressure' job? I guess you could say they really know how to handle their 'business'... literally..
• Headline: 75,000 Expected of the Stadium For Lou Gehrig Appreciation Day; Parley, La Guardia and Ruth Among Those Who Will Honor Yanks' Captain Today --Team to Meet Senators Twice. Impact: The hype around Lou Gehrig Appreciation Day inspired future sports events to become more about celebrity appearances than actual sports, leading to a decline in athleticism and an increase in celebrity selfies.. Fact: Did you know that Lou Gehrig was known for his humility? If only today's athletes could take a page out of his book instead of just looking for their next Instagram post!.