JULY 2, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lawyer Faces Arrest in Fraud Case. Impact: The warrant for the Nassau couple opened the floodgates for future reality TV shows about fraudsters, the true pioneers of 'I can’t believe they did that' entertainment. Cheers to the cycle of bad decisions!. Fact: Did you know that in many states, failing to appear for court can lead to a more interesting life? Just ask any reality TV star!.
• Headline: Cyclist Safety Initiatives in 1939. Impact: The safety initiative for cyclists inadvertently led to a boom in bike sales, which then caused a massive shortage of bike locks, resulting in a black market for rusty chains. The irony is delicious!. Fact: Did you know that the first bicycle path was actually just a path where cyclists hoped not to get hit by cars? Truly revolutionary!.
• Headline: VATICAN CITY LIMITS TOBACCO, LIQUOR SALE; Restricts It to Actual Residents to Prevent Smuggling. Impact: By limiting tobacco and liquor sales, Vatican City inadvertently inspired a new wave of smuggling operations that would make even the most hardened criminals chuckle. Who knew the Holy See would kickstart the black market?. Fact: Did you know that the Vatican once considered selling holy water in bottles to boost revenue? Talk about divine marketing!.
• Headline: FLYING BOAT ENDS 40,000-MILE JAUNT; The Guba Alights at Floyd Bennett Airport Bearing Archbold Expedition FLIERS GREETED AT FAIR Davison Acclaims New Guinea Trip as Most Successful in Museum's History 2,000,000th Visitor at Exhibit. Impact: The successful flying boat expedition led to the invention of the phrase 'I went to New Guinea and all I got was this lousy t-shirt,' which has since inspired countless tourists to complain about their souvenirs.. Fact: Did you know that the Archbold Expedition was actually just a long vacation for bored explorers with a flair for the dramatic? Adventure awaits, but only if you can handle the mosquitoes!.
• Headline: MAY SET NEW RECORD FOR HOLC HOME SALES; C.A. Jones Reports 16,000 Deals During Five-Month Period. Impact: C.A. Jones' sales report marked the beginning of the era where home sales would become the ultimate barometer for economic health, leading to countless awkward family dinners where everyone pretended to care about real estate.. Fact: Did you know that home sales records are often more exciting than family reunions? At least you can’t argue over who brought the potato salad!.
• Headline: SANCTUARY FOR THE FREE; The Revue, 'From Vienna,' Adds to the Resources of Our Theatre. Impact: The addition of 'From Vienna' to the theater scene sparked a cultural renaissance, leading to the mistaken belief that anyone can do theater. Spoiler: they can’t.. Fact: Did you know that many actors still believe that all they need is a monologue and a dream? And yet, here we are..