JUNE 29, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Rejects Japan's Shipping Warning. Impact: This rejection of Japan's warning kicked off a series of diplomatic misunderstandings that ultimately led to Americans deciding that they could invade any place with a funny name. Thanks to this, we now have an entire generation of college students who think Foochow is a type of Asian cuisine.. Fact: Did you know 'Foochow' is often confused with 'Foo Chow,' which is what my dog calls dinner?.
• Headline: Prof. R.W. Carlson Receives Prestigious Medal. Impact: Prof. R.W. Carlson's honor sparked a global trend of awarding medals for doing absolutely nothing. Fast forward to today, and you have influencers getting medals for posting selfies.. Fact: Did you know that the only medal more sought after than a Nobel Prize is the one given for creating the most annoying TikTok dance?.
• Headline: New Jersey Liquor Outlet Limitations. Impact: Limiting liquor outlets turned out to be a brilliant idea that inspired countless people to open speakeasies, leading to a nationwide underground cocktail party that would last for decades. Thanks, New Jersey!. Fact: Did you know that New Jersey is the only place where people will complain about liquor stores being too far, yet magically have a bar on every corner?.
• Headline: BARS AUSTRALIAN BOYCOTT; Labor Party Rejects Action on National Register. Impact: This rejection of a boycott led to a surge in national registers, which inadvertently inspired future political parties to create even more convoluted systems of registration, leading to a fine art of bureaucracy that we still have today.. Fact: Did you know that New Jersey has more forms to fill out than citizens? It's a bureaucratic paradise!.
• Headline: WORLD TRADE URGED AS AVENUE TO PEACE; International Chamber Votes Unanimously for Resolution. Impact: The unanimous vote for world trade as a path to peace turned out to be the universe's way of telling us that if we just traded enough goods, we could distract everyone from the actual conflicts. Who needs diplomacy when you have avocado toast?. Fact: Did you know that the International Chamber of Commerce is basically a giant networking event where everyone brings their best snacks?.
• Headline: REICH SALE TO CHINA SEEN; 5,000,000 Arms Deal Said to Include American Planes. Impact: The arms deal with China set the stage for a future where 'made in China' would be synonymous with everything, including things you never knew you needed, like inflatable pool unicorns.. Fact: Did you know that if you stack 5,000,000 arms, you can create a very uncomfortable chair? Just don't ask anyone to sit on it..
• Headline: GENEVA LABOR PARLEY VOTES 2 CONVENTIONS; Regulates Road Transport Hours and Migrant Workers. Impact: The labor conventions for regulating transport hours and migrant workers led to a complex web of labor laws that would confuse everyone for generations—much like trying to understand a tax code.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing longer than a labor convention's agenda is the list of complaints from workers about their coffee breaks?.
• Headline: Jersey Dedicates Fair Exhibit Recalling Revolution Role; NEW JERSEY CELEBRATES ITS DAY AT THE WORLD'S FAIR. Impact: New Jersey's dedication to recalling its revolutionary role led to an uptick in state pride and a bizarre number of state-themed reality TV shows that would make you question your life choices.. Fact: Did you know that New Jersey celebrates its Revolutionary War role every year by arguing over who has the best pizza?.