JUNE 23, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: House Votes Huge Funding for Farms. Impact: The $338 million voted to farms inadvertently led to a nationwide obsession with organic produce, sparking the hipster farming movement of the 2000s, where everyone suddenly thought they were a farmer because they had a basil plant on their windowsill.. Fact: If you think this vote was a big deal, wait until you hear about the time Congress voted to fund a study on the economic impact of cheese. Spoiler: it was gouda..
• Headline: Soviet Response to Anglo-French Proposals. Impact: Moscow's dissatisfaction with the Anglo-French proposals set the stage for decades of Cold War tension, causing more than just a few sleepless nights for diplomats and a rise in the popularity of spy novels. Who knew indecision could be so thrilling?. Fact: Paris being optimistic is like a cat believing it can catch a laser pointer—it’s cute until reality hits..
• Headline: New Insights on Regeneration and Eye Health. Impact: Dr. Balamuth's research on regeneration led to the invention of questionable beauty products that promise to turn back time. Thanks to him, we now have a multi-billion dollar industry fueled by unrealistic expectations and a lot of regret.. Fact: Sulfanilamide stopping infections in babies' eyes sounds great, but I bet the real breakthrough would be finding a way to stop parents from freaking out over every little sneeze..
• Headline: BRITISH IN TIENTSIN REPORT INDIGNITIES; Japanese Sentries Force Them to Strip in Public for an Examination at Barrier MILK SHORTAGE RELIEVED Food Problem So Serious That Britons Prepare to Bring in Supplies From Shanghai. Impact: The indignities reported by British in Tientsin led to the rise of diplomatic protests, eventually resulting in the classic 'you can't treat us like this!' trope that would echo through history, from the Treaty of Versailles to social media outrage.. Fact: Milk shortages were so serious that even the cows started protesting. They were like, 'Hey, we can’t give milk if you’re treating us like this!'.
• Headline: FOREIGN REPORTERS PROTEST NAZI ACTION; Berlin Corps Indignant at the Treatment of Polish Woman. Impact: The protest from foreign reporters against Nazi actions highlighted the power of journalism, which eventually led to the rise of sensationalist headlines and clickbait that we know and love today. Thanks, Nazis!. Fact: Imagine the headlines if foreign correspondents just tweeted their complaints instead—#NaziIndignities would have gone viral..
• Headline: Sloan Gives Fund to Drexel. Impact: Sloan's donation to Drexel set off a chain reaction of philanthropic giving, making 'donate to a school' the new trend for the rich and famous. Soon, everyone was trying to outdo each other with bigger and more bizarre donations.. Fact: If only all donations were made with a dramatic flair like in the movies. Picture this: a billionaire parachuting in with a giant check!.
• Headline: REALTY MEN URGE ECONOMY IN STATE; Convention Sends Messages to Legislators and Lehman Asking Relief From TaxesMORE BUDGET CUTS ASKED Demand for Rebuilt Houses IsReported by HOLC Aide atBolton Landing Parley. Impact: The realty men urging economy in state led to the creation of budget cuts that would eventually result in a housing crisis and a reality show about people living in tiny houses. Who knew minimalism could be so trendy?. Fact: When realty men talk about economy, you know they mean cutting corners, not saving trees. Eco-friendly? More like 'eco-frenzy'!.
• Headline: NAZIS TAKE POWER TO DRAFT CZECHS; Decree Also Gives Protector Right to Direct Control of Industry in 'Emergency' HE WILL DETERMINE WHEN Virtual End of Protectorate Is Seen--Slovakia Also Sets Jewish Property Curbs Protectorate Held Ended. Impact: The Nazis' decree to draft Czechs and control industry in 'emergency' was a pivotal moment that underlined how quickly governments could go from bad to worse. This set the stage for countless dystopian novels where everything spirals out of control.. Fact: When the Nazis said they were drafting Czechs, they must have meant for a really intense game of Monopoly. Spoiler: nobody wins..
• Headline: JAPANESE WARNED OF BRITISH STEPS; London Spokesman Says That Methods Used at Tientsin Can't Go On Indefinitely. Impact: British warnings about Japanese actions in Tientsin led to an escalation of tensions, which ultimately contributed to the complex web of alliances and rivalries that fueled World War II. Who knew a few warnings could lead to such a global mess?. Fact: When it comes to international relations, 'Can't go on indefinitely' really means 'We’ll keep complaining until someone gets tired of it.'.