JUNE 17, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Broadway's 'Family Portrait' Finale 1939. Impact: The closing of 'Family Portrait' sent shockwaves through the Broadway community, leading to an unexpected rise in interpretive dance performances in the 2020s. If only they’d known the power of a family portrait!. Fact: The last show of 'Family Portrait' was the final nail in the coffin for a whole generation of theater-goers who just wanted to see a good drama without interpretive dancing..
• Headline: Federal Hall Designated Historic Site. Impact: Designating Federal Hall as historic sparked a nationwide obsession with anything labeled 'historic,' leading to the preservation of an old sock from a Revolutionary War soldier. It’s now in a museum next to a half-eaten sandwich.. Fact: Federal Hall is where George Washington took the oath of office. Can you imagine if he had sneezed during it? We’d all be bowing to a giant handkerchief..
• Headline: Fulton Market Unit Inauguration Ceremony. Impact: The opening of this market unit created a chain reaction that led to the invention of avocado toast decades later. Yes, it’s all connected in the most bizarre way possible.. Fact: La Guardia was known for his love of markets. He once tried to negotiate a peace treaty over a hot dog stand. Spoiler: it didn’t go well..
• Headline: PRIZES AT LAWRENCEVILLE; Awards Made at Graduation of 146 at Jersey School. Impact: The awarding of these prizes not only motivated students to strive for excellence but also inadvertently led to the creation of more participation trophies decades later. Thanks, Lawrenceville!. Fact: Lawrenceville’s graduation ceremony was once described as 'a parade of future neurosurgeons, aspiring artists, and the occasional future cat lady.'.
• Headline: C. DONALD RAREY; Controller of the Travelers Insurance Co. Dies at 51. Impact: Rarey’s untimely passing led to a nationwide re-evaluation of life insurance policies, inspiring a 30% increase in paranoia about living too long. It’s a real thing!. Fact: C. Donald Rarey’s life insurance policies were so extensive, they could have funded a small country. Too bad he wasn’t a country himself..
• Headline: 19 EXPERTS DEPART TO AID VENEZUELA; LEAVE FOR SOCIAL MISSION IN VENEZUELA. Impact: The departure of these experts sparked a minor revolution in social activism, causing people everywhere to mistakenly believe they could fix problems with a weekend trip and a PowerPoint presentation.. Fact: These experts were dubbed 'the A-Team of social aid,' but in reality, they mainly brought snacks and a questionable understanding of local customs..
• Headline: 29 Coney Barkers, Arrested for 'Pulling In,' Freed by Magistrate as Vital to Play Area. Impact: The arrest and subsequent release of these barkers resulted in the rise of the modern carnival barker industry. Who knew that a legal battle could lead to cotton candy and Ferris wheels?. Fact: Coney Island barkers are the true unsung heroes of summer. If only they could have sung about their freedom instead of yelling at people to 'step right up!'.
• Headline: FINAL EXERCISES HELD AT ANDOVER; Prizes and Scholarships Are Awarded as Diplomas Are Given to 196 Students SALTONSTALL GIVES TALK Speaker at Alumni Luncheon --Dr. Englehardt Addresses the Cum Laude Society. Impact: The final exercises at Andover not only celebrated academic achievements but also contributed to a traditional obsession with Ivy League schools, which continues to haunt students today. It’s a vicious cycle!. Fact: Andover’s alumni network is so powerful that if you mention it in a job interview, you might get hired on the spot—unless you mention you went to a community college instead..
• Headline: MAYOR QUITS EARLY FOR WEEK-END REST; Heeds Warning to Let Up on Many Extra Duties. Impact: The mayor’s decision to take a break led to subsequent generations of politicians believing they could actually take time off, which led to an epidemic of naps in city halls across the nation.. Fact: Legend has it that this mayor’s weekend rest was so rejuvenating, he emerged with a new policy agenda written on a napkin. Spoiler: it involved ice cream for all..