JUNE 11, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Czech Policeman Killed by Germans. Impact: The assassination of the Czech policeman set off a chain reaction of distrust and conflict, leading to a series of events that would ultimately result in the widespread use of mustaches as a symbol of resistance against Nazis. No one saw that coming, did they?. Fact: Hitler apparently thought sending a wreath was like sending a Facebook 'like'—a shallow gesture that didn't quite mask the reality of his aggressive policies..
• Headline: Arts Club Hosts Community Art Show. Impact: The community art show inadvertently led to the rise of Instagram influencers, as people began posting pictures of their brunch next to abstract paintings, believing it would elevate their social status. Spoiler alert: it didn't.. Fact: Art shows: the only place where people can pretend to be cultured while secretly judging each other’s taste in paint splatters..
• Headline: Volitant Triumphs in Shevlin Stakes 1939. Impact: The Shevlin Stakes win by Volitant inspired a series of terrible horse puns that resonate through time, leading to the eventual creation of the pun-based comedy club, 'Horseplay'.. Fact: Golf: the only sport where people pay to chase a small ball across a vast field and call it a 'leisure activity'..
• Headline: Latest Books Received; Latest Books Received. Impact: Gen Doubleday's mention at Ft Sumter sparked countless historical debates over who really invented baseball, leading to the creation of various fan clubs dedicated to arguing about the merits of different baseball hats.. Fact: Gen Doubleday is often credited with inventing baseball, but there’s also a rumor he just really liked throwing things at people..
• Headline: ALEKHINE VICTOR OVER BRAZILIANS; Chess Ruler and Trompowsky Defeated Consulting Trio in Thirty-four Moves AWARDS MADE BY MEYER Head of Metropolitan League Rewards Meritorious Play --Other Notes of Game Botwinnik Retained Title Match Slated Wednesday. Impact: Alekhine's victory over the Brazilians led to a surge in international chess competitions, which eventually resulted in an underground chess scene where players wager their sock collections. High stakes, low fashion.. Fact: Chess: the only sport where sitting still for hours is considered a tactical advantage..
• Headline: BEHIND THE SCENES; Sloan Fund Gives Round-Table $40,000-- Music Camp Plans Radio Workshop. Impact: The Sloan Fund's generosity paved the way for the modern radio workshop, which ultimately led to the rise of podcasts—because nothing says 'I care about your opinion' like a random stranger in your ear while you're washing the dishes.. Fact: Radio workshops: where dreams of being the next big voice in broadcasting go to die, one awkward pause at a time..
• Headline: Notes on Rare Books. Impact: The rare book collection sale sparked a trend among hipsters to search for obscure literature, leading to the modern-day 'book club' where discussing the latest bestseller is as taboo as discussing politics at Thanksgiving.. Fact: Rare books: because who doesn’t want to pay exorbitant prices for something that smells like a library?.
• Headline: Bronx Communists Pick Begun. Impact: The Bronx Communists nominating I Begun led to a dramatic rise in the popularity of the name 'Begun', inspiring countless parents to name their children after revolutionary figures, thus ensuring a generation of confused kids.. Fact: Communism: the one ideology that can turn a simple nomination into a scene straight out of a soap opera..
• Headline: AIR TRAVEL STATISTICS; Results of TWA's 'Air Youth Project' Indicate Air-Minded Trend Parents Influenced. Impact: The TWA 'Air Youth Project' inspired future generations to believe that flying was as easy as booking a cheap flight online, completely ignoring the fact that each trip requires an advanced degree in patience and the ability to navigate airport security.. Fact: Air travel: the only time you willingly enter a metal tube and pray that gravity doesn’t decide to take a day off..
• Headline: BAR HELPS CHAMBER ON ETHICS PROTESTS; State Association Appoints a Committee to Cooperate. Impact: The bar's cooperation with the ethics protests led to a series of 'lawyer jokes' that would echo through the ages, ensuring that no one took legal advice seriously ever again.. Fact: Ethics in law: the ultimate oxymoron, like 'jumbo shrimp' or 'military intelligence'..