JUNE 9, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Geneva Labor Conference Highlights Work Hours Delay. Impact: The failure to address work hours at the Geneva Labor Parley eventually led to an international movement where people now complain about their work-life balance on social media instead of in person.. Fact: Fun fact: the only committee named at that parley was the 'Committee of Really Not Wanting to Talk About It'..
• Headline: Aquacade Signs and World's Fair Challenges. Impact: The struggle over the Aquacade signs resulted in a future where every public display is a constant battle between art and advertising. Thanks, New York!. Fact: The $350,000 spent on the exhibit was enough to fund a small nation's worth of existential crises. But hey, at least they had a fancy box office!.
• Headline: German Who Tried Theft Beheaded Within 17 Days. Impact: The beheading of O Wegener for attempted theft sent shockwaves through the criminal underworld, leading to a spike in 'How to Commit Crimes Without Getting Beheaded' workshops.. Fact: In a twist of irony, O Wegener’s beheading was the most successful taxi driver advertisement in Berlin's history..
• Headline: 'SHOE-BOX' BUILDINGS DISAPPOINT BORGLUM; Sculptor Calls Soviet Pavilion Fine Architecture, However. Impact: Borglum's disappointment in the 'shoe-box' buildings led to a future where all architecture was either over-ambitious or a glorified storage unit. Thanks, Soviet Pavilion!. Fact: Sculptor Borglum was once quoted saying that if the shoes fit, they probably shouldn't be worn in public. Guess he didn't think much of the 'box' concept..
• Headline: SOVIET NAMES TWO TO FOREIGN OFFICE; Appointment of Vice Commissars Stirs Rumor Potemkin Will Go. Impact: The appointment of Vice Commissars stirred rumors that eventually led to the widespread practice of gossiping in political circles, a pastime that continues to this day.. Fact: In Soviet times, the rumor mill operated more efficiently than the actual government. It was like state-sponsored reality TV, just without the camera crew..
• Headline: LUTHERANS REJECT PLAN TO TEACH SEX; LUTHERAN SYNOD HEAD. Impact: The rejection of a sex education plan by Lutherans led to generations of awkward conversations about 'the birds and the bees' and tons of unintended consequences, like the rise of 'The Talk' as a rite of passage.. Fact: Ironically, the only thing the Lutheran Synod taught their congregations was how to avoid talking about sex—successfully..
• Headline: NEW BRIDGE PLAN IS VOTED BY BOARD; Tentative Contract Accepted as Moses Submits Revised Project for Battery. Impact: The new bridge plan sparked a never-ending cycle of debates about infrastructure that left future generations wondering whether they should cross the bridge or just complain about it online.. Fact: If you think bridge-building is easy, try getting a group of people to agree on what color to paint it. Spoiler: it's never just 'bridge gray'..
• Headline: MANDATES GROUP MEETS; Annual Report on Southwest Africa Discussed. Impact: The mandates group's meeting on Southwest Africa set a precedent for future meetings where everyone talks a lot but leaves with no real solutions, just a few more PowerPoint slides.. Fact: The Spanish representative missing the meeting was later found binge-watching a soap opera, proving that some things transcend international politics..