JUNE 5, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dispute Over Franklin Statue at Fair. Impact: If only they'd just used inflatable decorations instead, we might have avoided an entire generation of hot air balloon enthusiasts thinking they could fly. Franklin would be rolling in his grave... or maybe just laughing.. Fact: Did you know that Franklin was actually a fan of statues? He once quipped, 'A statue a day keeps the boredom away!' Okay, maybe he didn't say that, but it sounds good, right?.
• Headline: FOOD STRIKERS SEE LONG-DRAWN FIGHT; But Counsel for Warehouses is Hopeful of Peace Today-- Hospitals to Get Supplies. Impact: The food strike led to the invention of the microwave, as people desperately required a quick meal option that didn’t involve waiting for negotiations. Who knew hunger could spark innovation?. Fact: Did you know that during the food strike, some people actually started cooking? Shocking, I know!.
• Headline: MARTIN'S MEN VOTE 20 TO 1 FOR A.F.L.; Reaffiliation Ballots In, Head of Independent U.A.W. Now Will Confer With Green. Impact: This vote led to an impressive increase in the number of meetings that could have been emails. Truly, the spirit of democracy in action!. Fact: Did you know that the A.F.L. stands for 'Always Fighting for Lunch'? Okay, maybe it doesn’t, but it should!.
• Headline: MRS. E.T. BLAKEMORE MARRIED TO W.G. BIRD; She Becomes Stock Exchange Member's Bride in Westbury. Impact: Their marriage resulted in a long line of stock market puns that still plague financial discussions today. Truly, the spark of romance ignited the flames of dad jokes.. Fact: Did you know that marrying a stock exchange member is basically a ticket to a lifetime of confusing financial advice? 'Invest in love!' they say..
• Headline: Congress, Diverted by Politics, Gets New Incentive to End Session; With Fence-Mending Needed and Conflict Brewing, Neutrality and Tax Revision Will Be Speeded to Floor This Week. Impact: This event set a precedent for Congress to continuously rush through decisions under pressure, ultimately leading to the invention of the phrase 'Let’s just wing it'.. Fact: Fun fact: Congress members often practice their 'urgent' faces in the mirror before these sessions. It’s a real art form!.
• Headline: DR. BERG STRESSES NEED FOR COURAGE; Chaplain of N.Y.U. Warns Class of '39 of Importance of Bravery in World Today FAITH IN VICTORY ASKED Baccalaureate Exercises Are Preceded by Large Academic Procession on Campus. Impact: Dr. Berg's call for courage inspired countless students to face their fears... like the fear of student loans. It's a bravery that echoes through the ages.. Fact: Did you know that 'courage' in ancient times meant 'to get out of bed'? Okay, I might have made that up..
• Headline: Georgetown School Exercises. Impact: This event sparked a long-standing tradition of academic exercises that led to the inevitable creation of 'exercise' memes—because nothing says 'education' like a good laugh.. Fact: Did you know that 'school exercises' used to involve actual physical activity? Now we just exercise our thumbs on our phones..
• Headline: MGR. SCANLAN IS SPEAKER; Gives Baccalaureate at College of Our Lady of Good Counsel. Impact: Mgr. Scanlan's speech became legendary, inspiring future generations to attend baccalaureate services, primarily for the free snacks. Thanks for the carbs, Mgr.!. Fact: Did you know that baccalaureate speeches are the original TED Talks? Just with fewer visuals and more awkward pauses..