MAY 13, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nation-Wide Syphilis Drive Launched. Impact: This national drive against syphilis led to an unexpected surge in public health campaigns, which ultimately resulted in the invention of colorful condom packaging. If only they had known that flashy colors would have such a marketing impact!. Fact: Syphilis was once called 'the French disease' because, you know, blaming the French for everything was a popular pastime!.
• Headline: Essentials of Democracy Discussed. Impact: Dr. Deutsch's talk on democracy inspired countless future debates, leading to an explosion of political memes that haunt social media to this day. Thanks, Dr. Deutsch, for the never-ending scroll of sarcasm!. Fact: The essentials of democracy include voting, free speech, and the ability to complain about the government while sipping overpriced coffee..
• Headline: Postmasters Honored in Central Square. Impact: The nomination of postmasters became such a hot topic that it inspired a reality TV show titled 'Postmaster: The Ultimate Deliverer.' Spoiler alert: it's just as boring as it sounds.. Fact: Postmasters have been around for centuries, proving that delivering bad news is a time-honored tradition!.
• Headline: Austrian Nazis to Pass on Catholic Clerics; Ruling Gives Party Control Over Hierarchy. Impact: This ruling on Catholic clerics gave rise to the infamous 'Holy Political Drama' genre, which is still popular in various forms of media today. Who knew clerical control could lead to such juicy gossip?. Fact: Cremation and burial debates have been around for ages, but it turns out that people have strong opinions on how they want to kick the bucket!.
• Headline: Votes to Legalize Bingo. Impact: Legalizing bingo sparked a nationwide obsession with retirement homes and led to an unexpected increase in hipster bingo nights at local breweries. Who knew gambling could be so trendy?. Fact: Bingo has been around since the 1500s, which means your grandmother likely has a better chance of winning than you do!.
• Headline: VALENTINE DEMOTES DETECTIVE CRIMMINS; Action Is Believed the First in a Wide Shake-Up. Impact: Detective Crimmins' demotion initiated a wave of police reform that ultimately led to a new series of detective novels, all featuring a disgraced hero who uncovers his own inadequacies.. Fact: Demoting a detective sounds serious, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s just a stepping stone to writing a bestselling memoir!.
• Headline: PROMOTION METHODS TO AID HEALTH URGED; Idea Stressed at Meeting of Dental Hygiene Group. Impact: The push for improved dental hygiene sparked a national obsession with whitening strips, leading to a generation of people who think their smiles can blind you. Thanks, dental hygiene advocates!. Fact: The average person spends 38.5 days brushing their teeth over their lifetime—so you might as well make it a pretty smile!.
• Headline: FORMER SEC AGENT HELD; Promoter Alleged to Have Given Bribe Also Arrested. Impact: The arrest of the former SEC agent for bribery led to a massive crackdown on shady stock dealings, ultimately inspiring the sitcom 'Wall Street Woes'—the show that made insider trading seem almost fun.. Fact: Bribery has been a thing since ancient times, proving that human greed is truly timeless!.
• Headline: SCREEN NEWS HERE AND IN HOLLYWOOD; Joan Crawford to Be Seen in 'Park Avenue Models'; Work Starts at Metro June 15 OLIVER HARDY IN NEW FILM Appears at Globe Today in 'Zenobia' With New Comedy Partner, Harry Langdon. Impact: Joan Crawford's film release was so popular that it led to an increase in Hollywood's obsession with catfights and dramatic on-set feuds, setting the standard for future celebrity antics.. Fact: Joan Crawford was known for her fierce work ethic, which is a nice way of saying she was probably a nightmare to work with!.
• Headline: 2 QUEENS HOLD-UPS NET THUGS $13,000; One Contractor Loses $11,000 in Long Island City, Another $2,100 in Kew Gardens ROBBERIES WELL PLANNED Four Invade Office at Housing Project, Draw Pistols Then Escape With Loot. Impact: These well-planned robberies inspired a series of 'How to Be a Thug' workshops across the country, which ultimately backfired as participants realized crime doesn’t pay—unless you’re really good at it.. Fact: In the world of heists, planning is key; however, it’s much harder when you’re also trying to look cool while carrying a bag of cash!.