MAY 11, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: French Trade Delegation Visits U.S.. Impact: This trade mission inadvertently set off an international obsession with the concept of 'better markets', leading to bizarre trade agreements involving cheese and inflatable furniture decades later.. Fact: Did you know that this trade delegation was actually just a cover for a group of French chefs looking to export croissants? Who knew pastries could drive international economics?.
• Headline: Sweden Awards Willis Booth. Impact: Willis Booth's honor sparked a nationwide trend of giving out medals for the most trivial achievements, ultimately leading to the creation of the 'Best Couch Potato' medal.. Fact: Willis Booth received this honor for his 'exceptional contributions to sitting quietly and being generally pleasant.' Truly, a shining example for us all..
• Headline: Pigeons Enlisted for Air Messaging. Impact: The decision to recruit pigeons led to an unprecedented rise in pigeon diplomacy, resulting in a series of international treaties signed exclusively via feathered couriers.. Fact: Fun fact: Pigeons actually have a better grasp of international relations than some politicians. Who knew they could be such winged diplomats?.
• Headline: SLOVAK FORTS PLANNED; Germany Prepares for Defenses Along the Vag River. Impact: This militaristic move along the Vag River inevitably sent shockwaves of paranoia through Europe, which contributed to the rise of historically misguided alliances based on fear and bad maps.. Fact: The Vag River is less known for its strategic importance and more for being a great place to picnic—if you can ignore the fortifications..
• Headline: FRENCH PRESIDENT BEGINS 2D TERM; Premier to Inform Parliament Today of Country's Readiness to Resist Nazi Threats DANZIG DEAL IS DOUBTED France and Britain Are Said to Have Promised Poland Not to Force League Settlement. Impact: Lebrun's second term marked a pivotal moment that led to an increase in diplomatic jargon that no one really understood, paving the way for future generations to ignore politics completely.. Fact: Fun fact: This meeting was so complicated that even the coffee served was confused about whether it was supposed to be strong or weak..
• Headline: Iceland's Springs to Heat The Homes of Reykjavik. Impact: The geothermal heating project led to a national obsession with hot springs, resulting in a nationwide trend of people lounging in their bathtubs while debating the merits of global warming.. Fact: Icelanders are so fond of their hot springs that they once tried to propose a 'free hot spring' policy, but it quickly heated up into a debate over geothermal rights..
• Headline: Farndale Wins National Hunt Cup By Half Length at Berwyn Course; Little Cottage 11 Next in Brush Race, Neck Ahead of Court Time--Warspite First In His Debut as Steeplechaser. Impact: Farndale's victory inadvertently led to the popularization of the phrase 'by half a length', which was later adopted by people explaining their dating lives.. Fact: Did you know that winning a horse race by half a length is considered the equivalent of barely passing a class? Just enough to brag about it, but not quite enough to be impressive..
• Headline: SOVIET NEWSPAPER DIES; Journal de Moscou, Foreign Office Organ, Ends Publication. Impact: The demise of the Journal de Moscou initiated a series of underground publications, leading to the rise of samizdat literature, where everyone felt like a secret agent for reading banned books.. Fact: The last edition of the Journal de Moscou was so controversial that it was rumored to have been printed on toilet paper, making it both a collector's item and highly functional..