MAY 7, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Finland Delays German Reply, Allies React. Impact: If Finland hadn't delayed the reply, perhaps Germany would have invented the time machine earlier, leading to an alternate reality where we all wear lederhosen and eat sauerkraut for breakfast. Who knows?. Fact: Finland's ability to procrastinate has somehow become a national sport. It's called 'Sisu'—a term for grit, but also for just waiting until the last minute to get things done..
• Headline: Johnstown's Thrilling Victory in 1939. Impact: The horse racing victory likely sent ripples through betting parlors everywhere, leading to a massive uptick in people with questionable advice on their betting strategies. Thanks, Johnstown!. Fact: Horse racing is basically the original fantasy football, except the horses don’t complain about the draft picks..
• Headline: Baseball Centennial Celebration Begins. Impact: The centennial of baseball opened the floodgates for the sport to become America's pastime, eventually leading to the 7th inning stretch where you can contemplate your life choices while standing awkwardly.. Fact: The first baseball game was played in 1846, which is just about when people decided to start throwing balls at each other for fun..
• Headline: JAIL AND NOT FINES FACE SMUGGLERS; Cahill Will Prosecute All, Ending Policy of Freeing Them After Paying Up WILL GUARD INFORMERS Inquiry Pressed in Both New and Old Cases--Arrests Believed Imminent. Impact: By cracking down on smugglers, Cahill inadvertently inspired a whole generation of people to become more creative in their illegal activities—because who doesn’t love a good cat-and-mouse game?. Fact: Smuggling is basically the original 'DIY' project, but instead of crafting, you’re just trying to dodge taxes and laws..
• Headline: French Decree Orders Unemployed to Shift To Where There Is Work or Lose the Dole. Impact: By forcing the unemployed to relocate, France probably fueled the great continental game of 'musical chairs' where only the fast and the furious survive in the job market. It's like a reality show, but with less drama and more existential dread.. Fact: Unemployment laws have been around longer than you think—proof that bureaucracy can always find a way to complicate things..
• Headline: An American Family in Russia. Impact: This American family's experiences in Russia may have sparked the first wave of cultural misunderstandings that would ultimately lead to decades of sitcoms where everyone learns a valuable lesson at the end.. Fact: Russia's vastness means that if you get lost, you might just end up in an entirely different century. Good luck with that!.
• Headline: Notes on Rare Books. Impact: The notes on rare books likely led to a surge in the 'book collector' subculture, which eventually led to the rise of people hoarding books they never read—sounds familiar, right?. Fact: Rare books are often more expensive than gold, which explains why your friend with the collection always looks like they’re plotting something..
• Headline: Realty Men to Study Rehabilitation Work At Regional Conference in Atlantic City. Impact: The regional conference on rehabilitation work probably resulted in more real estate agents learning how to 'rehabilitate' their way out of awkward conversations about their commissions.. Fact: Realty men often spend more time in conferences than actually selling houses. It’s all about networking, baby!.
• Headline: Japanese and Trukish Pavilions Dedicated on Seventh Day of the World's Fair; JAPAN'S FRIENDSHIP THEME AT PAVILION Traditional Good-Will Between Two Nations Stressed at Dedication at Fair 'PEACE DOVES' RELEASED Consul General, Opening the Exhibit, Voices Appreciation for American Aid 500 Invited Guests Present Third Customer of United States Cocktails and Tea Served. Impact: The dedication of the Japanese and Turkish pavilions at the World's Fair likely sparked an international rivalry over who could throw the best tea parties. Spoiler: It's always the Japanese.. Fact: The release of peace doves is just the fancy way of saying, 'We hope this doesn’t end in a food fight.'.
• Headline: Lindbergh Flies to San Diego. Impact: Lindbergh's flight to San Diego may have inspired future aviators to take their dreams to the skies, eventually leading to the invention of the in-flight movie—thank you, Charles!. Fact: Lindbergh once said, 'The thrill of flying is the thrill of living.' Which is great unless you're seated next to a crying baby on a long flight..