MAY 6, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Birth of Mrs. Clyfford Trevor's Son. Impact: If Clyfford Trevor's son becomes a future inventor, we might just owe the invention of time travel to this very moment. Imagine future historians debating over whether the universe began with a big bang or a baby cry.. Fact: Did you know that naming your child Clyfford is a surefire way to ensure they never get a date? You're welcome!.
• Headline: Birth of William Corbin's Daughter. Impact: This birth could lead to the creation of a new dynasty of Corbins, who will eventually run for office and make family reunions a cringe-worthy affair. Imagine the campaign slogans!. Fact: Fun fact: Corbin is a name that means 'raven.' So, if this daughter ever feels out of place, she can just embrace her inner bird and fly away!.
• Headline: Montclair vs. Wagner Tea Showdown. Impact: This tea party could spark a series of increasingly ridiculous events that result in a Montclair Tea brand being sold worldwide. Next thing you know, it's the official drink of the UN!. Fact: Tea has been known to solve all sorts of world issues. Well, that and a good slice of cake. Preferably with frosting..
• Headline: DANCE AT BARNARD TO BE HELD TONIGHT; Spring Fete of all Classes to Aid Undergraduate Fund for Scholarships MORE THAN 400 EXPECTED Mrs. Talcott Bates, a Junior, Heads Committee--Garden Setting Arranged. Impact: This dance could ignite a love story so intense that it results in a future wedding where someone famously trips and falls into the cake. Thus, the tradition of messy wedding cakes is born!. Fact: Did you know that in the early 1900s, dances were often just an excuse for people to show off their terrible dance moves? Some things never change!.
• Headline: THREAT TO SCHOOLS AROUSES PARENTS; Plan 'Fight to the Finish' to Force Legislators to Restore $9,710,000 to Budget PAY CUT CONFERENCE HELD Officials Spend Half Day With Campbell but Fail to Take Any Definite Action. Impact: This financial debacle could eventually lead to a nationwide movement where parents become superheroes, fighting for school funding in capes and tights. Watch out, PTA!. Fact: Did you know that the amount of funding cut could pay for approximately 2 million pencils? Seems like a lot of writing for kids who just want to play!.
• Headline: REPLY HELD 'FINAL'; Poles Say Berlin Must Decide Whether There Will Be Peace SPEECH HAILED AS 'FIRM' Warsaw Intimates Nazi Offer of Anglo-French Colonies in Return for Axis Adherence. Impact: This tense moment could be seen as the turning point that leads to a series of peace treaties, or it could just result in a really awkward family dinner in a few years. History is unpredictable!. Fact: Peace negotiations have often been like a bad relationship; it takes a lot of back and forth before anyone agrees to just stop fighting and be civil..
• Headline: STEINHARDT TAKES TITLE; New Utrecht Fencer Captures Individual P.S.A.L. Laurels. Impact: This fencer's victory may inspire a future Olympic dynasty, leading to an annual fencing tournament that becomes the next big reality TV show. Welcome to 'Fencing with the Stars'!. Fact: Fencing: the only sport where you can stab someone and still be considered a gentleman. How's that for mixed messages?.
• Headline: GROSS PRIZE TAKEN BY MISS GLUTTING; Her 83 at Essex County C.C. Wins Top Award in Jersey One-Day Golf Tourney MRS. HOCKENJOS GETS 87 Only Other Player to Break 90--First Net Honors Go to Mrs. Holden. Impact: Miss Glutting's win might just lead to a future where golf becomes the new Olympic sport, with families arguing over who gets the last slice of pizza at the awards ceremony.. Fact: Golf: the only sport where you can spend four hours trying to hit a little ball and still call it a 'day well spent.'.