APRIL 11, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: House Passes Tax on State Pay. Impact: This tax bill led to a fervent debate about government spending, ultimately inspiring a future generation of tax protestors who decided that holding 'Tea Parties' was a more fashionable way to express their discontent.. Fact: Did you know that sending bills to the White House is like sending your homework to a teacher who may or may not care? Spoiler: They usually don't..
• Headline: Dr. Frank on Republican Strategy Ahead of 1940. Impact: Dr. Frank's comments created a rift that would eventually lead to the emergence of political spin doctors, who would later perfect the art of saying something while meaning absolutely nothing.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing Republicans and Dr. Frank agreed on was that 'playing breaks' sounds a lot like a band name for a failed 90s rock group?.
• Headline: DEFERS DECISION ON FRIEDA MILLER; Senate to Await Findings on Breakdown in Unemployment Insurance Operation DELAY 'NOT PREJUDICIAL' Thompson Promises Action on Confirmation After Report of Committee Due This Month. Impact: This deferral caused a chain reaction of bureaucratic inefficiency that would eventually birth a new breed of career politicians who thrive on indecision and endless committee meetings.. Fact: Did you know that 'not prejudicial' is just a fancy way of saying, 'We have no idea what we're doing, but let's pretend we do'?.
• Headline: DR. FLICK TO RETIRE AS STATE HISTORIAN; Will Leave Post He Has Held Since 1923 on Reaching 70. Impact: Dr. Flick's retirement left a gaping hole in the historical record, which future historians would fill with wild speculation and a lot of guesswork involving time travel.. Fact: Fun fact: Historians are just like time travelers, except they can't actually go back and fix the mistakes they document..
• Headline: E.S. MORAN JR. HELD AS STATE TAX EVADER; Ex-Assemblyman, Indicted in Bribe Case, Faces New Charge. Impact: Moran's legal troubles paved the way for a future where politicians would learn to hide their bribes under increasingly creative disguises, like charity bake sales.. Fact: Did you know that tax evasion is basically the adult version of 'forgetting' to do your homework? Only the stakes are a bit higher..
• Headline: LIGHTS TURN FAIR INTO A DREAM CITY; First Night Illumination Test Converts Whole Area Into a Fantasy of Color. Impact: This dazzling display sparked a global obsession with light shows, leading to the eventual invention of Instagram filters that would forever alter the way we perceive reality.. Fact: Did you know that the first night illumination test was basically the 1930s version of a rave? Just add some questionable substances and you've got a party!.
• Headline: Hutchinson of M.I.T. to Retire. Impact: Hutchinson's retirement opened the floodgates for a new generation of geniuses at M.I.T., who would go on to invent things like the internet and overpriced coffee.. Fact: Did you know that when professors retire, they usually leave behind a trail of unpaid student loans and a classroom full of confused undergrads?.
• Headline: Mount Vernon Policeman Cleared. Impact: This policeman's exoneration would ripple through the police force, setting a precedent that would lead to a future where accountability is often just a suggestion.. Fact: Did you know that being cleared of charges is like getting a participation trophy in the game of life? Everyone's a winner until they aren't..
• Headline: STATE WILL USE UP RELIEF FUND IN MAY; Even With Sum Raised to $54,500,000, Sufficient Amount Remains in DoubtBUDGET STILL IN TANGLESouthern Tier Taxpayers'Bodies, at Albany Meeting, Demand Economy Legislation. Impact: The depletion of the relief fund became a cautionary tale for future administrations, who would continue to play a game of financial Jenga with taxpayer money.. Fact: Did you know that government budgets are like diets? Everyone talks about sticking to them, but in reality, they just keep getting bigger and bigger..