APRIL 8, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lehman Signs Key Legislation in 1939. Impact: If Lehman had vetoed 21 bills instead of 20, it’s theorized that an alternate timeline would have led to a nationwide ban on high-waisted pants, sparing generations from fashion faux pas.. Fact: Lehman was known for his vetoes, but surprisingly, nobody ever vetoed his mustache. Go figure..
• Headline: Carter Group Supports 6th Ave El Foreclosure. Impact: This foreclosure could have set off a chain reaction of bad real estate decisions, leading to the invention of virtual reality real estate tours to distract buyers from their terrible choices.. Fact: The Manhattan Railway is now a popular backdrop for hipster weddings, proving that even failed infrastructure can find a second life!.
• Headline: Maharajah Builds Retreat in Santa Ana. Impact: The Maharajah's retreat might have inspired future celebrities to build extravagant homes, sparking a trend of superfluous luxury that ultimately led to the invention of the 'invisible mansion'—because who needs walls?. Fact: In case of war, he built a fortress. Meanwhile, in modern times, people build 'fortresses' out of avocado toast and artisanal coffee..
• Headline: MUSICIANS TO GAIN BY SUPPER DANCE; Women's Auxiliary Board of Emergency Fund Planning Party for May 2 MRS. VINCENT ASTOR HEAD Organization Aiding 3,760 Cases--Walter Damrosch to Give Concert May 22. Impact: This benefit supper dance could have kickstarted a whole genre of charitable events based on food, leading to a world where every meal comes with a side of guilt.. Fact: Walter Damrosch was not just a musician; he was a pioneer in making sure that nobody enjoyed their meal without a symphonic soundtrack. Ah, the true essence of fine dining..
• Headline: April Shows at Planetarium. Impact: April shows at the planetarium may have inspired a generation of stargazers, ultimately leading to the creation of apps that tell you when to look up and pretend you know what you’re looking at.. Fact: Planetariums were the original 'Netflix and chill' spots, minus the chill and with much more stargazing..
• Headline: ROAD OPENS AS TUBE LINK; Rebuilt Part of Hudson County Boulevard Ready in Jersey. Impact: The opening of the tube link was a major infrastructure improvement, inadvertently leading to the rise of urban legends about the 'Tunnel Monster' that haunts commuters to this day.. Fact: Hudson County Boulevard opened up a new route for traffic, because more congestion is always the answer, right?.
• Headline: Curtis Estate Asks Tax Review. Impact: The Curtis Estate's tax review request might have inspired future estate planners to become paranoid about taxes, leading to the invention of offshore tax havens and a new wave of reality shows about 'Wealthy People Avoiding Taxes.'. Fact: Estate taxes are like that awkward relative at family gatherings—always looming, often ignored, but eventually unavoidable..
• Headline: U.S. JURY INDICTS 'BOSS' PENDERGAST AS A TAX EVADER; Kansas City Leader Is Accused of Failing to Pay on $315,000 Received in Insurance Deal EX-OFFICIAL ALSO NAMED Release to Insurance Firms of $9,500,000 Impounded in Rate Fight Is Basis of the Case. Impact: Pendergast's indictment for tax evasion could have inspired a new trend in political scandals, leading to an annual event called 'Tax Evasion Awareness Day' where politicians compete for the most creative excuse.. Fact: Pendergast was dubbed the 'Boss' for a reason; he could probably convince a jury that he was just misunderstood, or at least that he had 'creative accounting' down to an art..