APRIL 4, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Japan's Spring Offensives in 1939. Impact: Had Japan not launched their Spring offensives, perhaps China would have had a greater influence on global cuisine, and sushi would be served with a side of dumplings instead of just soy sauce.. Fact: The battles in Changsha were so intense that they inspired a new genre of Chinese historical soap operas, where the battles are depicted with dramatic music and slow-motion flourishes..
• Headline: Hagues Return from Florida Trip. Impact: If Hagues had stayed in Florida just a little longer, the entire state might have turned into a popular retirement destination, leading to a dramatic shift in the demographics of the Sunshine State.. Fact: Hagues' return was so uneventful that a local newspaper ran a headline about it, proving that sometimes, the most boring news still makes it to print..
• Headline: New Jersey Rewards Tax Informer Lawyer. Impact: This small tax informer fee may have inadvertently inspired a future generation of lawyers to chase after any tax dispute, leading to a boom in law schools and a higher population of lawyers than actual taxpayers.. Fact: The amount paid was so specific that it makes one wonder if the lawyer had a magic calculator or just really good negotiation skills..
• Headline: FSCC Begins Stamp Plan On Food for Relief May 1. Impact: The FSCC's stamp plan might have inadvertently led to the invention of food stamps, which revolutionized how governments handle food relief, ultimately leading to the modern-day grocery store checkout line.. Fact: Food stamps were initially called 'food coupons,' but the name change happened after a particularly humorous focus group session that involved too many puns..
• Headline: COMMITTEE BACKS MONETARY POWERS; Heeds Morgenthau's Plea of Stabilization Need to Meet World Crises FOR DEVALUATION RIGHT Would Also Extend the Silver Clauses for Two Years-- House Fight in View. Impact: Morgenthau's plea for monetary powers could have paved the way for a future where governments held casual monthly meetings to discuss currency trends over coffee, instead of dealing with crises at the last minute.. Fact: The phrase 'devaluation right' sounds like something you’d find in a bad sci-fi novel about money traveling through time. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t end well..
• Headline: JERSEY RATE PLEA FOUGHT; State of New York Says Port Authority Compact Is Violated. Impact: This New Jersey rate plea has likely set the stage for future inter-state rivalries, where states are now vying for the title of 'Most Complicated Transportation Agreement'—definitely a prestigious honor.. Fact: The Port Authority compact is so complex that it might actually have its own zip code, just to keep track of all the paperwork involved..
• Headline: La Guardia Boomed by a Democrat for 1940; Cannon for Him if Party Passes by Missouri. Impact: La Guardia's presidential boom could have resulted in a redefined role for future mayors, where they might have started running for president with the slogan 'If I can handle this city, I can handle the nation!'. Fact: Repr Cannon's support for La Guardia was so enthusiastic that it nearly sparked a trend of political endorsements being shouted from the rooftops—because why not?.
• Headline: GUIDES BRAZIL'S EXCHANGE; New Chief Inducted, but Decree of Liberation Is Still Awaited. Impact: The induction of a new chief in Brazil's exchange could have inadvertently led to a popular dance craze if the decree of liberation had involved samba music and colorful costumes.. Fact: The anticipation for the exchange decree was so intense that it rivaled the buildup for a blockbuster movie release, complete with trailers and fan theories..
• Headline: Farm Bill Change Is Adopted. Impact: The repeal of the Farm Act clause may have altered agricultural practices forever, leading to a future where farmers plant whatever they felt like, resulting in a lot more pumpkin spice lattes.. Fact: This change in farm policy was so monumental that it probably caused a few cows to moo in approval—because they definitely have opinions about farming laws..
• Headline: BILLS RAISING COSTS VETOED BY GOVERNOR; Lehman Signs Ten Others for Total of 189 in Session. Impact: Lehman’s vetoes were probably a precursor to the modern idea of 'budget cuts,' which has become the favorite pastime of politicians everywhere, leading to endless debates and eye rolls.. Fact: By vetoing bills that raised costs, Lehman inadvertently became the poster child for frugality, inspiring future governors to adopt the motto: 'If it costs more, it’s probably a bad idea.'.