MARCH 28, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Finland Celebrates H.P. Borer's Achievements. Impact: H.P. Borer's honor in Finland sparked a series of bizarre international awards, leading to the eventual creation of the 'World's Best Couch Potato' trophy in 1975.. Fact: The Order of the White Rose was a symbol of different values in various cultures, but it never quite caught on with the hipster crowd who preferred ironic awards instead..
• Headline: Pittsburgh Bride-to-Be Announcement. Impact: Nancy Patterson marrying Chris Wilson Jr. inadvertently inspired a wave of disastrous reality TV shows about wedding planning, culminating in the infamous 'Bridezilla Apocalypse' of 2005.. Fact: Pittsburgh has produced more wedding-related disasters than any other city, yet they still claim to have the best pierogies..
• Headline: Expect Federal Employes To End Legal Homes Now. Impact: The legal residence change by federal employees led to a surge in D.C. real estate prices, which eventually caused a time paradox where politicians started actually caring about their constituents—briefly.. Fact: In D.C., the only thing more expensive than housing is the price of a cup of coffee that isn't just hot water with a fancy label..
• Headline: Boys Seized in Poor-Box Thefts. Impact: The theft of poor boxes by boys led to a nationwide campaign against petty theft, resulting in the world's first 'Criminal Rehabilitation Through Video Games' program in the 1980s.. Fact: Stealing from poor boxes was once seen as a rite of passage; now, it just gets you a cameo on a true crime documentary..
• Headline: CANADA PAYS DEBTS AS NET CREDIT RISES; Bank of Nova Scotia Reviews Dominion's Financial Status. Impact: Canada's financial stability led to a sudden influx of tourists seeking maple syrup, which inadvertently caused a shortage that sparked the Great Maple Syrup Wars of 2042.. Fact: Despite being known for its kindness, Canada is home to some of the most passionate maple syrup enthusiasts who will defend their stash with the ferocity of a bear..
• Headline: C.&O. SEEKS CHANGE IN ERIE 'GROUP PLAN'; Demands That I.C.C. Recognize Its Holdings of Stock in the Reorganization of Road Brief Filed by RFC Value of Stock Discussed C.&O. SEEKS CHANGE IN ERIE 'GROUP PLAN'. Impact: C.&O.'s demand for recognition in the Erie group plan prompted a series of convoluted legal battles that ultimately resulted in the entire concept of 'group plans' becoming a punchline in corporate meetings.. Fact: The only thing more convoluted than corporate legal jargon is trying to explain it to your grandparents without sending them into a confused spiral..