MARCH 27, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Marian Agry's Engagement Announcement. Impact: This marriage led to a series of unfortunate events where every couple since then has felt the pressure to have a 'perfect' wedding, contributing to the rise of Pinterest and the end of sanity.. Fact: Did you know that Dr. Robert C. Berson’s wedding planning skills were so legendary, he could've been a reality TV star? Alas, he chose medicine instead..
• Headline: 6,000 Attend Holy Name Breakfast in 1939. Impact: This breakfast meeting sparked the future trend of public officials pretending to care about community while secretly eyeing the last donut on the table.. Fact: Fun fact: This was the last breakfast where politicians were seen actually eating breakfast instead of just shaking hands and giving speeches about breakfast..
• Headline: Police Shut Down New Masses Show. Impact: This closing inadvertently led to an increase in underground shows, making it the breeding ground for the future of rebellious art. Who knew censorship could be so creative?. Fact: Ironically, the lack of a theatre license made it the most exclusive show in town—only the coolest rebels were able to attend..
• Headline: CLIPPER IS NEARING AZORES ON SEA HOP; PASSENGERS BOARDING YANKEE CLIPPER FOR ATLANTIC HOP. Impact: This flight marked the beginning of people thinking they could travel anywhere in the world in a few hours, resulting in the modern concept of 'fly and flop' vacations.. Fact: The Yankee Clipper was originally named the 'Yankee Stuck-In-Traffic,' but they changed it after realizing that nobody would want to board a plane with that name..
• Headline: MARGARET HOWE ENGAGED; Will Be Married in England to Gratian M. Yatsevitch. Impact: Their engagement sparked a wave of transatlantic romances, leading to more awkward family gatherings and the invention of the phrase 'meeting the in-laws.'. Fact: Margaret's engagement ring was so sparkly, it could be seen from space. Astronauts reported it was a distraction during their missions..
• Headline: Vienna Hears Langstroth Mass. Impact: This performance led to an unexpected revival of classical music appreciation, resulting in countless hipsters pretending to enjoy it while sipping overpriced coffee.. Fact: The Langstroth Mass was so beautiful, even the ghosts of composers past were said to have shed a tear—or maybe it was just a draft..
• Headline: DR. CHARLES S. WOODALL; Psychiatrist Was Head of the Brandon (Vt.) State School. Impact: Dr. Woodall’s work helped pave the way for future mental health discussions, leading to a world where everyone now has a therapist and a podcast.. Fact: Dr. Woodall once claimed he could read minds, but only when people were thinking about lunch. A true pioneer in both psychiatry and culinary intuition!.
• Headline: DR. E.P. CUMBERBATCH; Pioneer in Electro-Therapy Field in Great Britain. Impact: Dr. Cumberbatch’s work in electro-therapy sparked a wave of electrical inventions, leading to the eventual creation of smart toasters that can toast your bread and judge your life choices.. Fact: Dr. Cumberbatch once attempted to invent a toaster that also played classical music. It only worked half the time, but the toast was always perfectly crispy..