MARCH 20, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Protest Against Shuns Anderson's Ban. Impact: This protest against a singer was so impactful that it inspired future generations to protest against all sorts of random things, including pineapple on pizza and low-carb diets.. Fact: Protests have come a long way since then—now they just send tweets instead of organizing gatherings. Progress, right?.
• Headline: Topics of The Times. Impact: The discussions on 'R U R' ignited a passion for robots that led to a future where robots rule over humans—but only because we taught them to love reality TV.. Fact: K. Capek? More like K. Capeked my interest in robot uprising stories!.
• Headline: YOUTHS LOST 42 DAYS IN PACIFIC ARE SAVED; Taken From Drifting Yawl by Freighter Bound for Panama. Impact: The youths' rescue led to a future where all youth groups decided that getting lost at sea was the new trend, ultimately resulting in an increase in nautical-themed selfies.. Fact: Sailing is great, but getting rescued by a freighter? Now that's a plot twist worthy of a summer blockbuster!.
• Headline: AUGUSTUS W. MOREHOUSE; Southern Industrialist, 74, Was Father of Drama Critic Here. Impact: Morehouse's legacy led to a future where every drama critic had to be the offspring of an industrialist, resulting in a dramatic and often absurd competition for the title of 'Most Unqualified Critic'.. Fact: Every family needs a drama critic—otherwise, how would you ever know if your Thanksgiving dinner was as tense as a Shakespearean play?.
• Headline: LAYS COUP TO 'BETRAYAL'; Rev. J.Z. Nettinga Says Munich Rivaled Hitler's Action. Impact: Rev. J.Z. Nettinga's sermon sparked a theological debate that transcended decades, ultimately leading to a reality show where preachers compete for the best 'hot takes' on historical events.. Fact: Nothing says 'holy' like comparing your problems to Hitler's actions. Just ask any historian with a penchant for drama!.
• Headline: WADDY THOMPSON, TEXTBOOK AUTHOR; His Histories of This Country Widely Used Here and in England--Dies at 72 WITH PUBLISHING HOUSE Employe of D.C. Heath Firm Was Son of Late South Carolina Governor. Impact: Waddy Thompson's textbooks became so influential that they inspired a future where every student was required to write essays on the profound effect of footnotes on civilization.. Fact: If you think textbooks are boring now, just wait until you see the 50-page footnote on why history is less about facts and more about who had the best hair..
• Headline: Reception for Aaron Zeitlin. Impact: Aaron Zeitlin's reception became a blueprint for future celebrity receptions, leading to a world where even the smallest achievements are celebrated with red carpets and confetti cannons.. Fact: You know you've made it in life when your reception includes a live-streamed event and a dedicated hashtag. #ZeitlinForever.
• Headline: FALL OFF HORSE FATAL; Ossining Woman Is Killed in Accident on Briarcliff Path. Impact: This tragic accident led to future equestrians developing safer riding technology, ultimately resulting in a world where horses have more safety gear than the riders.. Fact: Horses are great at many things, but falling off them shouldn't be one of your skills. Just saying!.