MARCH 19, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Benes Plans Government in U.S.. Impact: Had Benes successfully established a government in the U.S., it's likely that Hollywood would have become the new capital of global politics, resulting in a dramatic rise in political movies and a sharp decline in the quality of summer blockbusters. Forget plot twists; the political drama would have been Oscar-worthy.. Fact: If only Benes had a better PR team, maybe he could have leveraged his situation into a Netflix deal. 'The Ex-President: A Political Thriller' would have been a hit!.
• Headline: Nazi Economic Policies and State Capitalism. Impact: This little nugget of information led to the spread of economic theories that would confuse generations of students. Who knew state capitalism could be the villain in this story? It’s like the 'Twilight Zone' of economic systems!. Fact: State capitalism: because nothing screams 'freedom' quite like a government running your economy. Sounds like someone's seen a few too many dystopian films..
• Headline: The Enchantment of Variety Theatre. Impact: As the variety theatre scene flourished, it inadvertently set the stage for the rise of reality TV. Thanks a lot, theatre, for paving the way for today's 'real-life' drama that is anything but real.. Fact: The original variety theatre acts were so entertaining that they inspired a generation of people to pursue careers in... well, anything but theatre..
• Headline: FIRST LADY REVEALS WHITE HOUSE 'GHOSTS'; Tells San Antonio Andience of Illusion of Past Tenants. Impact: This revelation opened the door to a ghost tourism industry in D.C. Imagine tourists clamoring to hear about the 'spirits' of presidents past, leading to a whole new genre of ghost hunting shows.. Fact: Ghosts in the White House? Now that's a reality show waiting to happen! Who wouldn’t want to see Lincoln's ghost debating policy with FDR?.
• Headline: CHAMBER MUSIC IN LONDON. Impact: This boosted the popularity of chamber music, which inevitably led to a bizarre resurgence of orchestral music at every coffee shop and hipster hangout. Be prepared for 'Chamber Music Night' at your local café!. Fact: Chamber music: the original 'unplugged' concert, where musicians would cram into small rooms and hope their egos fit too..
• Headline: ACT I, SCENE I; Telecasts to Homes Begin on April 30-- World's Fair Will Be the Stage. Impact: The first telecasts initiated a series of events that would lead to the invention of binge-watching—a habit that would dominate the future and make procrastination an art form.. Fact: Television: the magical box that turned family dinners into 'who's watching what' marathons. Thanks, World's Fair, for ruining my dinner conversations!.
• Headline: SOUTH AFRICA ON GUARD; Steps Taken to Protect Vital Public Services in Union. Impact: These protective measures would unintentionally set the stage for a series of events that would lead to a heightened sense of paranoia, eventually inspiring countless spy novels and films. Thanks, South Africa, for making espionage sexy!. Fact: When in doubt, just guard everything. It's the best way to ensure your public services are as mysterious as a magician's final trick..
• Headline: PRINTS AND OTHER SHOWS; Manhattan, Kansas. Impact: This led to an unexpected art renaissance in the Midwest, resulting in a cornfield full of pretentious artists trying to redefine what it means to be 'Midwestern.' Spoiler: it's about as exciting as watching paint dry.. Fact: Manhattan, Kansas: the place where art is so avant-garde that even the corn stalks are critiquing the installations..
• Headline: SPEAKING OF DIRECTORS; Since the Screen Is Their Medium, They Stand Accused of Its Betrayal. Impact: This sparked a movement where directors began blaming their failures on the very medium they loved, eventually leading to a generation of directors who would rather throw shade than complete a film. Thanks for nothing, celluloid!. Fact: Directors: the only people who can claim to be artists while simultaneously blaming their tools. It's like a painter complaining about the quality of their brushes!.