MARCH 11, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Students Rally Against Social Security Taxes. Impact: The students protesting taxes for old age inadvertently set off a chain reaction that led to the creation of a new reality TV show: 'Undergrads vs. The IRS.' Spoiler alert: nobody wins, and the taxes only get higher.. Fact: Did you know that many of these students are now adults who still believe that waiting tables should come with a side of retirement benefits? Welcome to adulthood!.
• Headline: New York Hosts Mayors' Conference. Impact: La Guardia's successful parley of mayors marked the beginning of a secret society of mayors who meet annually to discuss their favorite ice cream flavors rather than actual governance. Spoiler: all flavors are vanilla.. Fact: The only thing more exciting than a meeting of mayors is watching paint dry. And they say politics is boring!.
• Headline: Ambulance Chasing Scandal of 1939. Impact: The ambulance chasing lawyers inadvertently influenced the creation of a popular meme template: 'When your client calls, and you remember your ethics class.' It became the go-to joke for law students everywhere.. Fact: Fun fact: 'ambulance chasing' is not just a legal term, but also a popular sport among certain lawyers. Who knew ethics could be so entertaining?.
• Headline: TWO FIRSTS TAKEN BY HUNTER TEREUS; Sailor's Knot Also Annexes a Blue for Mrs. Scott at Camden Horse Show M'COY IS WINNER TWICE Awards Go to Imported Gelding From Lasker Stable-- Orphan Boy Victor. Impact: Hunter Tereus's wins at the horse show sparked a global movement for horse celebrities, leading to the rise of the equine Instagram influencer culture we know today. #HorseGoals.. Fact: Did you know that horses are actually just really fancy dogs? They love attention, treats, and winning competitions—just like your average golden retriever!.
• Headline: FIX VALUE OF PEPSI-COLA; Accountants Figure Net Worth on Sept. 30 at $7,900,000. Impact: The valuation of Pepsi-Cola was the first step towards a world where fizzy drinks would eventually replace water as the 'hydration of choice.' Thanks, capitalism!. Fact: Fun fact: If you drink enough Pepsi, you might just become a human carbonation factory. Go ahead, take the challenge!.
• Headline: Topics of Sermons That Will Be Heard in the Churches of the City Tomorrow; TOPICS OF SERMONS IN CITY TOMORROW. Impact: The sermon topics set the stage for the annual 'Sermon-Off,' a competition where pastors compete for the title of 'Most Dramatic Delivery.' Spoiler: the Holy Spirit always wins.. Fact: Did you know that sermon topics can be more controversial than the actual sermons? Next week: the heated debate on 'Is it a sin to eat pizza on Friday?'.
• Headline: 129,000 in Junior Inspectors. Impact: The rise of the Junior Inspectors paved the way for an underground network of kid detectives, leading to the eventual creation of a new genre of children's literature: 'The Adventures of the Snack Time Sleuths.'. Fact: Did you know that becoming a detective in your youth dramatically increases your chances of ending up in a sitcom later in life? Just ask any kid with a magnifying glass..
• Headline: LAWRENCE A. DORAN; Founded American Electrotype Company in 1923. Impact: Lawrence A. Doran’s founding of the American Electrotype Company was the spark that ignited a hidden rivalry between printing companies that still smolders beneath the surface of the publishing industry.. Fact: Fun fact: Electrotyping is just a fancy word for 'we really hope this printing mistake doesn’t cost us our jobs.' Stay tuned for the next episode of 'As the Ink Dries.'.
• Headline: St. Francis Six Triumphs. Impact: The St. Francis Six's triumphs resulted in a new trend of urban animal competitions, leading to the eventual rise of 'Animal Olympics' where pets compete for the title of 'Most Adorable.'. Fact: Fun fact: If you think your pet is a champion, just wait until you see what they can do when there's a treat involved. Gold medals? Pfft. Just give them a cookie!.