MARCH 10, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Fore River Shipyard Expands for Navy Contracts. Impact: This ship-building rush led to a sudden increase in naval power, which eventually contributed to the escalating tensions leading up to World War II. Just imagine if they had built a few more ships—maybe they could have started a trend for naval-themed parties instead!. Fact: A navy cruiser is just like a regular cruiser, but with extra cannons and fewer barbecues..
• Headline: Bowers Returns: Silence on Spain. Impact: Bowers' return without comments on Spain allowed for a vacuum of diplomatic clarity, which helped fuel endless conspiracy theories about his secret involvement in international espionage. Why speak when you can let everyone else speculate?. Fact: Ambassadors are the original influencers; they travel the world and make vague statements that leave everyone confused!.
• Headline: Anthem Request at Philadelphia Gatherings. Impact: This seemingly innocent request for an anthem at pub gatherings led to the endless debate over national pride vs. pub etiquette. Who knew that a few drunken renditions could cause such a patriotic ruckus?. Fact: Singing the national anthem at gatherings is basically just a group therapy session for people who love their country a little too much..
• Headline: THREE DECORATED BY ZOG; Albanian King Honors Officials of Near East Fund. Impact: Zog’s decorations made the Near East Fund officials feel all warm and fuzzy inside, which could have inadvertently led to some serious diplomatic back-scratching in the region. Nothing says 'let's be friends' like a shiny medal, right?. Fact: Being decorated by a king is like getting a participation trophy, but with more glitter and fewer feelings of accomplishment..
• Headline: BURGLAR MURDERS WOMAN IN MINEOLA; Miss A. L. McKee, Prominent Republican, Slain in Home Where She Lived Alone Brother Discovers Body BURGLAR MURDERS WOMAN IN MINEOLA. Impact: The tragic murder of Miss McKee sparked a wave of concern over home safety, which eventually led to the invention of door locks. So, thanks to her, we now have deadbolts... but it’s a bleak legacy.. Fact: Murder mysteries are the original reality shows—everyone's a suspect, and the ending is usually grim..
• Headline: NEW STANDARD OIL UNITS; New Jersey Company, Notifies SEC of Two Abroad. Impact: The formation of new Standard Oil units hinted at the eventual monopolization of the oil industry, leading to what we now call 'gas prices' and a never-ending stream of complaints at the pump. Thanks, capitalism!. Fact: Standard Oil was so big, they made Monopoly feel like a small-town board game..
• Headline: GIRL HELPS SEIZE ROBBER IN 8TH AVE.; Patrolman and the Would-Be Victim Also Aid in Capture of Prisoner, 16. Impact: The girl who helped seize the robber became a local hero, inspiring countless after-school specials about courage and teamwork. Maybe she should have gotten a medal too, but alas, no one thought of that.. Fact: Sometimes the best superhero origin stories come with a side of mild panic and a dash of teamwork..
• Headline: One Worker in Every Nine Found on Public Payroll. Impact: Realizing that one in every nine workers was on the public payroll led to the infamous phrase 'government job,’ which became both a punchline and a career aspiration for many. True story.. Fact: Public payrolls are the original 'job security'—where you can show up, do nothing, and still get a paycheck!.
• Headline: CAPONE AIDED U.S. IN THE TORRIO CASE; Many Leads in Government's Tax Suit Said to Have Come From Convict DIXIE DAVIS TO TESTIFY Hines Case Witness Expected to Link Accused to Dutch Schultz Bail Racket. Impact: Capone’s unexpected cooperation with the U.S. government in the Torrio case created a unique precedent in organized crime, proving that even mobsters can sometimes be 'team players' when it benefits them. Who would've thought?. Fact: Al Capone believed in teamwork so much, he practically wrote the handbook on how to be a 'team player' in crime!.