MARCH 5, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Wheels, Keels, and Wings Exhibition. Impact: The San Francisco Fair's wheel, keel, and wing exhibits sparked a bizarre obsession with transportation metaphors, inspiring a generation of poets who still can't figure out how to get a job.. Fact: The 'WHEELS, KEELS, AND WINGS' exhibit nearly got renamed to 'WHEELS, KEELS, AND A LOT OF WISHFUL THINKING' but the marketing team thought that was too negative..
• Headline: TELEVISION HERE AND ABROAD. Impact: Farnsworth's appointment led to a 50-year-long debate on whether television was a boon to society or just an elaborate way for people to avoid talking to their neighbors.. Fact: Did you know that Farnsworth was only appointed because he could make a mean cup of coffee? It’s true; caffeine has always been the real driving force behind innovation..
• Headline: University of Iowa Puts Study to Use; Men in Sanitary Engineering Operate the Water Plant. Impact: The University of Iowa's sanitary engineering program inadvertently created a generation of students who now believe they can solve any problem with a degree in plumbing, leading to a worldwide shortage of qualified plumbers.. Fact: Operating a water plant sounds impressive until you realize it’s just a glorified way of saying 'watching water flow.'.
• Headline: Religion in Crisis. Impact: The crisis in religion sparked a massive underground movement of people trying to reclaim spirituality through interpretive dance, which only resulted in more confusion and awkwardness at parties.. Fact: Morris S. Lazaron was actually known for his ability to turn any serious discussion into a game of charades. Who knew crisis management could be so entertaining?.
• Headline: HILLSIDE TRUST CO. WILL LIQUIDATE; Jersey Bank Closes and Will Pay Depositors Through a Neighbor Institution LOST ON REALTY LOANS President Says Its Assets Are Sufficient for 'Substantial' Payment to Stockholders Denies RFC Loan Was Asked Had Real Estate Losses. Impact: Hillside Trust Co.'s liquidation led to a wave of banks trying to outdo each other in the 'lightest liquidation' competition, culminating in a new reality show called 'Liquidate or Die.'. Fact: J. Sherman’s denial of needing aid was the financial equivalent of a toddler insisting they can tie their shoes—adorably misguided and ultimately a disaster..
• Headline: OUTDATED CHECKS BOTHER TREASURY; Extra Clerks Needed for Work Involved if Payee Waits to Get His Money. Impact: The Treasury's outdated checks issue led to the invention of electronic payments and the phrase 'you've got mail' becoming less exciting and more irritating.. Fact: The Treasury's clerks were so overwhelmed that they started a support group called 'Checks Anonymous,' where they discussed their feelings about paper cuts..
• Headline: WORLD OF UNDYING HOPE; A WORLD OF HOPE. Impact: The discussion of hope led to a global trend in motivational posters, which inadvertently caused a spike in eye-rolling and sarcasm levels worldwide.. Fact: A world of hope sounds great until you realize it’s just code for 'we're all still very confused about life.'.
• Headline: LIVESTOCK RAISERS CHEERED BY PRICES; Kansas Convention Stresses Quotations on Animals and Plentiful Feed Supply LIVESTOCK RAISERS CHEERED BY PRICES Consumer Demand as Guide Deals for Use of Grass War on Cattle Rustlers. Impact: The livestock raisers' cheer led to a bizarre series of animal-themed reality shows that convinced people cows are the new Kardashians, resulting in more memes than actual livestock.. Fact: Kansas livestock conventions are basically just farmers comparing who has the best 'moo'—it’s an udderly ridiculous pastime..