MARCH 3, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Manton Indicted: Justice Obstruction Case. Impact: Manton's indictment sparked a wave of conspiracy theories that would later fuel an entire genre of true crime podcasts—thus ensuring that everyone would eventually know more about Manton than they ever wanted to.. Fact: Obstructing justice was once considered a crime; today, it’s just a strong suggestion in many political circles..
• Headline: Japan Accepts Cruiser for Saito's Ashes. Impact: Japan's acceptance of the ashes led to an unexpected diplomatic thaw, resulting in a bizarre trend of countries exchanging ashes as a way to forge alliances, culminating in the 'Ashes Diplomacy Summit' of 2078.. Fact: Who knew a simple ash delivery could pave the way for international relations? Maybe I should start sending my old cigarette butts to world leaders..
• Headline: MORE TOKYO TROOPS LAND IN NORTH CHINA; Several Thousands of Tsingtao --City in Kiangsu Captured. Impact: The landing of more troops in North China led to an increased interest in military strategy games, causing an international board game craze that still dominates family game nights in 2050.. Fact: If only they had played a game of Risk instead; history might have turned out differently—like no one ever wanting to take over Australia..
• Headline: Former Actress Arrives En Route to Sick Mother. Impact: The former actress's journey to her sick mother ignited a trend of celebrity wellness tours, ultimately inspiring the reality show 'Celebrity Caregivers' in 2032, where stars care for their ailing relatives while bickering over the best organic soup recipes.. Fact: It's comforting to know that even celebrities have to face their family drama. Maybe they should stick to acting..
• Headline: Liquor Legalized in Tennessee. Impact: The legalization of liquor in Tennessee sparked a nationwide movement towards more open drinking laws, ultimately leading to the infamous 'Great American Happy Hour' in 2040, where bars offered free drinks for everyone named 'John.'. Fact: And they say history doesn’t repeat itself; it just takes a long break and then gets wasted..
• Headline: CHARLESTON GUNS TO HAIL PRESIDENT; Navy Yard Batteries Prepare for Salute When the Houston Arrives in Harbor Today NO WORD FROM CRUISER Roosevelt Believed Busy on Speech--Will Discuss War Game With Press. Impact: The salute for President Houston became a national spectacle that set off an annual tradition of naval salutes, eventually leading to a bizarre trend of competitive boat parades that confuse more people than they entertain.. Fact: Saluting the president with cannons: proving that diplomacy can sometimes be a loud affair..
• Headline: ASK PHILADELPHIA TO PURGE POLICE; Special Grand Jurors Call for Removal of Safety Chief. Impact: The call to purge Philadelphia's police led to a long history of police reform debates, ultimately resulting in the establishment of the 'Police Accountability Day,' where everyone just argues on social media.. Fact: Ah, the age-old tradition of fixing systemic issues by talking about them loudly on Twitter. Progress!.