JANUARY 12, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: Massive Scrap Exports from Junked Cars. Impact: The decision to junk cars might have kickstarted the 'recycle everything' movement, leading to a future where we have national holidays dedicated to celebrating scrap metal.. Fact: 14 million tons of junked cars? That's enough metal to build a small army of Transformers... or at least a really big fort!.
• Headline: Bill to Bar Politics in WPA Pushed By House's Civil Service Chairman; Ramspeck Measure Also Would Require Merit Systems in Any Local Agencies Receiving Federal Financial Aid. Impact: If the Ramspeck bill had actually passed, we might have seen a future where government jobs were as desirable as winning the lottery, causing a mass exodus from corporate jobs. Imagine the chaos!. Fact: Merit systems in local agencies? Groundbreaking! Next, they might try merit-based ice cream flavors. 'Sorry, but vanilla just doesn’t make the cut.'.
• Headline: Isaacs Again Boycotts Goods Made in Germany. Impact: Isaacs' boycott could have sparked a wave of international boycotts, making the phrase 'Keep Calm and Boycott On' a popular rallying cry worldwide, leading to an unintentional global shopping crisis.. Fact: Boycotting goods made in Germany? Ah, the classic move of 'if I can’t have it, no one can!'.
• Headline: BALANCED BUDGET OF STATE IN DANGER; Business Rise Came Months Behind Expectations, Upsetting Estimate, Officials Say. Impact: If the balanced budget had been maintained, it might have inspired future politicians to prioritize fiscal responsibility, leading to a timeline where budget-cutting became the new extreme sport.. Fact: A balanced budget in danger? Sounds like my New Year's resolution to exercise more—always a good idea until it’s not!.
• Headline: RUTH IS PRONOUNCED FIT; Returns Home After Examination at French Hospital. Impact: Babe Ruth being pronounced fit could have led to a world where fitness became a prerequisite for all sports legends, causing a fitness revolution in the '30s that would have left us with a lot fewer beer belly legends.. Fact: Ruth returned from the French hospital? Because nothing screams 'fit' like recuperating from a fancy hospital in France!.