DECEMBER 31, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rev. Delmar E. Trout's Legacy. Impact: Reverend Trout's sermons inspired a global movement of fish-themed religious gatherings. Who knew fish fry could lead to spiritual enlightenment?. Fact: Delmar E. Trout always claimed he could communicate with fish, but alas, they never returned his calls..
• Headline: Sister Mary Melician's Legacy. Impact: Sister Mary Melician's teachings sparked a nationwide trend of nuns becoming influencers, leading to the rise of the 'Sisterhood of Social Media'.. Fact: She once tried to start a cooking show called 'Holy Guacamole', but it was deemed too controversial..
• Headline: Maryland Urges Unified Conservation Efforts. Impact: This push for a single conservation group led to the creation of the 'Maryland Nature Coalition', which ironically resulted in a yearly competition for who could hug trees the longest.. Fact: Turns out, the only thing more difficult than unifying conservation efforts is getting a group of outdoorsy types to agree on anything..
• Headline: LIGHT ON OUR ALPHABET. Impact: The discovery of the link between the Israelite and Phoenician alphabets inadvertently triggered a global spelling bee craze, leading to the rise of ultra-competitive 'Alphabet Wars'.. Fact: This connection was so profound that even autocorrect couldn't keep up with the new spelling rules..
• Headline: Surrogate's Aide Retires. Impact: The retirement of W. F. Cronin sparked a nationwide trend of clerical retirements, causing an unexpected surge in bingo nights across the country.. Fact: Rumor has it, Cronin plans to spend his retirement in a tropical paradise... or just in his backyard with a good book..
• Headline: STERN RESISTANCE ON CATALAN FRONT SLOWS UP REBELS; Franco's Tired Troops Said to Have Gained No More Than a Mile Anywhere DEFENDERS STRIKE BACK Counter-Attack in Seros Zone Believed Designed to Ease Pressure Farther South Loyalists Outnumbered RESISTANCE SLOWS DRIVE IN CATALONIA Rebels Claim Gains British Ship Hit at Valencia Bombed Craft Found Intact. Impact: The slow progress of the Catalan front led to a series of miscommunications that would later inspire a famous sitcom about military misadventures, ‘M*A*S*H: The Early Years.’. Fact: This conflict saw more strategic retreats than an awkward dance at a middle school prom..
• Headline: SPORTS BALLOTS OUT FOR 'GOLDEN LAUREL'; World's Fair Group Will Honor Outstanding Individual. Impact: The Golden Laurel awards inadvertently became the catalyst for the world's most competitive game of 'who wore it best' among athletes.. Fact: Nominees often spent more time choosing their outfits than preparing for their actual sports..
• Headline: DR. HUGH M. BLAIN, 63, TAUGHT JOURNALISM; Founded Departments at Three Southern Colleges. Impact: Dr. Blain's journalism departments birthed a generation of writers who would later confuse readers with their love for commas and italics, leading to widespread grammatical debates.. Fact: His students often joked that he could write a 50-page essay about the importance of a single comma..
• Headline: Banks Get Role in Rail Case. Impact: The banks' intervention in the rail case led to an unintended increase in financial jargon, causing the general public to become more confused than ever about how to balance a checkbook.. Fact: This event marked the start of the 'Banker Speak' dialect, which remains a mystery to this day..