DECEMBER 27, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: M'Keesport High's Narrow Defeat. Impact: This defeat led to a chain reaction of football rivalries that culminated in the creation of the National Football League, where everyone's dreams of glory hinge on a single interception. Thanks, M'Keesport!. Fact: Did you know that the Miami School's victory led to a decades-long debate about whether they should change their mascot to a giant interception? Spoiler: They didn't..
• Headline: New Planetarium Sun Specializes in Rising. Impact: This innovation inspired a generation of stargazers who mistakenly believed they could just wish upon a star. Spoiler alert: they still can't.. Fact: The planetarium's new sun feature was such a hit that it single-handedly caused the rise of countless Instagram influencers claiming to have discovered 'the best sunrise spots.'.
• Headline: SCIENCE MOBILIZES TO FIGHT MIND ILLS; Mental Health Symposium of Record Scope Will Mark Session at Richmond Purposes are Summarized SCIENCE MOBILIZES TO FIGHT MIND ILLS Environment Factors Research to Be Evaluated Topics for Third Day. Impact: This symposium catalyzed the modern mental health movement, leading to the creation of countless self-help books, TikTok therapists, and a bizarre fascination with crystals as therapeutic tools.. Fact: The first mental health symposium was just scientists arguing over whether talking about feelings was a valid science. Spoiler: It still is!.
• Headline: Daughter to the Julius Kleins. Impact: This headline initiated a small but significant trend of naming children after their parents, which has led to a series of awkward family reunions where everyone is confused about who’s who.. Fact: Naming children after parents is so common that there’s now a support group for those who have to explain to their kids why being named after them is actually a curse..
• Headline: SERGT. GORDON M'KENZIE; Directed the Army Information Service in 2d Corps Area. Impact: Sgt. M'Kenzie’s work revolutionized military communication, leading to the modern-day meme culture where even soldiers can’t resist turning serious missions into inside jokes.. Fact: The Army Information Service was once just called 'the grapevine.' Now it involves actual grapevines—who knew military strategy could be so fruity?.
• Headline: LUCAS REMMBE'RS. Impact: This mysterious headline led to the creation of countless conspiracy theories about who Lucas was, leading to an entire genre of true crime podcasts that still have no answers.. Fact: Lucas Remmber's name became synonymous with mysterious headlines, inspiring writers to create entire fictional worlds based on a single word. Thanks, Lucas! You're the gift that keeps on giving..
• Headline: WESTERN SWIMMERS WIN; Beat East, 72-54, in Relays at Fort Lauderdale. Impact: This victory kicked off a lifelong rivalry that led to the creation of annual swim meets, where the only true winner is the sunscreen industry.. Fact: Western swimmers were so excited about this win that they started the 'Swim Relay Dance'—but no one actually knows what that is, leaving the East team bewildered for decades..