DECEMBER 22, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Celebrating Appleton A. Mason's Contributions. Impact: If Appleton hadn't been so passionate about physical education, who knows? Maybe today's students would be more focused on Twitter than fitness, leading to a generation of sloths. Thanks, Appleton, for keeping us somewhat active!. Fact: Appleton A. Mason probably had students who thought 'physical education' was just code for 'play dodgeball.'.
• Headline: Dr. Mark J. Gottlieb's Sudden Illness. Impact: Dr. Gottlieb's unfortunate condition led to an increased focus on the importance of health checks for specialists, which ultimately led to the invention of the 'Deep Breathing App.' Thanks, Mark, for the tech boom!. Fact: Throat specialists had a tough gig in a world where everyone was starting to yell at their radios—talk about a demanding job!.
• Headline: ROBERT E. LAIDLAW. Impact: Laidlaw's legacy was such that if he hadn't existed, the world might have never known the true meaning of a well-placed period. His impact on punctuation should not be overlooked!. Fact: Robert E. Laidlaw was probably the only guy whose name was so short it needed no editing—truly a minimalist pioneer..
• Headline: WARREN WEBSTER, 75; HEADED HEATING FIRM; Founder of Company in Camden That Bears His Name Dies. Impact: Warren's passing led to a sudden surge in heating bills across Camden as everyone rushed to make sure their furnaces were up to par. A heated situation, indeed!. Fact: Warren Webster's heating firm was so essential that it’s rumored the company motto was 'We’re not just warming your home, we’re warming your heart.'.
• Headline: To Lend Gift Money to Miners. Impact: This generous offer sparked a series of holiday loans that eventually led to the creation of 'Holiday Loan Sharking,' a festive tradition no one asked for but everyone regretted.. Fact: If you think gift loans are awkward now, imagine trying to explain to your relatives why you owe them money while wearing a Santa hat!.
• Headline: J. S. LAWSON DIES; LAWYER 40 YEARS; Authority on Cases Involving Estates and Realty Dies in Brooklyn Home AIDED IN JAMAICA PROJECT Former Chairman of Advisory Committee of Bank-Had Helped Build Hospital. Impact: Lawson's death left a void in the legal community that led to an influx of new lawyers who were all just a little too eager to take over his cases—talk about a courtroom drama!. Fact: As an authority on estates, Lawson probably had more stories about wills than a family reunion—'And then Uncle Joe left his collection of spoons to the cat...'.
• Headline: Einstein's Son Asks Citizenship. Impact: When Einstein's son sought citizenship, it sparked a debate over who was really the smarter Einstein—him or his dad? This philosophical quandary continues to confuse scholars to this day.. Fact: Einstein's son asking for citizenship was probably just him trying to get a good WiFi connection—because who doesn’t want to surf the web in peace?.
• Headline: Council Kills County Job Bills After Stormy All-Night Session; Fisticuffs Threaten as Tempers Become Frayed- Referendum Mandate Recalled--Mayor to Keep Up Fight' COUNTY JOB BILLS KILLED BY COUNCIL Mayor to Keep Up Fight Howe Condemns Action. Impact: This council debacle led to a series of local government meetings that were just as entertaining as a soap opera—but with fewer plot twists and more shouting.. Fact: They say that council meetings are where democracy goes to die—if only they’d serve popcorn, it might be more appealing!.