DECEMBER 13, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mrs. Roosevelt's Call for Democratic Unity. Impact: Mrs. Roosevelt's call for collective action inspired the creation of neighborhood potlucks in the '50s, which led to the eventual rise of community Facebook groups — the true downfall of humanity.. Fact: Mrs. Roosevelt was so ahead of her time that if she were alive today, she'd probably be hosting a podcast on how to save democracy while making avocado toast..
• Headline: Proposed Investor Curb at Lima Conference. Impact: This diplomatic squabble over ship immunity eventually contributed to the rise of maritime insurance companies, which led to one guy in 2023 named Dave making a fortune selling 'insurance' for imaginary ships.. Fact: Isn't it funny how diplomats can debate ship immunity while people can't even agree on whether pineapple belongs on pizza?.
• Headline: Emanu-El Elects New Officers. Impact: The election of L. L. Straus marked the beginning of the trend where every organization needed a president, resulting in an explosion of titles like 'Chief Happiness Officer' in modern-day offices.. Fact: L. L. Straus probably had the same level of enthusiasm for his new role as people have for Monday mornings..
• Headline: PLEADS GUILTY IN SLAYING; Convict to Be Sentenced for Manslaughter in. Hold-Up. Impact: This tragic plea led to tougher laws on robbery, which in turn inspired countless crime dramas where the bad guy always gets caught — except for that one guy who's still living in his mom's basement.. Fact: Manslaughter cases remind us that crime doesn't pay, but it sure does make for some riveting courtroom dramas..
• Headline: Accepts Guild Contract. Impact: The acceptance of this guild contract laid the groundwork for unions everywhere, turning 'I need a raise' into a global battle cry that still echoes through office cubicles.. Fact: Accepting a contract is just like accepting a friend request—some things are better left ignored..
• Headline: ARGENTINE FAVORS CONSULTATION IDEA; Foreign Minister Holds Time to Confer Is When Some Actual Threat Arises DOUBTS ' NAPOLEONIC ERA' Cantilo's Views Are Set Forth by Radio Representative on Basis of Interview. Impact: Cantilo's preference for consultations caused a ripple effect, leading to an overwhelming number of international meetings where everyone just nods in agreement while secretly checking their phones.. Fact: Consultation is just a fancy way of saying, 'Let's talk about this until we forget what we were talking about.'.
• Headline: WOLL STATES AIMS OF RIGHTS LEAGUE; Would Defend Democracy of World Against Communism, Fascism, Nazism UNITY OF AMERICA ASKED Appeal to Safeguard Freedom From Autocracy Is Issued by A. F. of L. Executive. Impact: Woll’s declaration inadvertently set off a series of political movements that eventually led to the creation of 'Freedom Fries'—proving that even the most serious matters can be trivialized.. Fact: Defending democracy is a noble cause, unless you're doing it on Twitter, where it turns into a meme war..
• Headline: TRUCK TIE-UP ENDS IN PAY COMPROMISE; State Mediators Win Accord After Demand by Mayor for Quick Settlement UNION VOTES ACCEPTANCE Platform Men and Checkers in Long-Distance Trade to Get Higher Wage. Impact: The truck tie-up and subsequent settlement led to a chain reaction of labor negotiations, which eventually paved the way for the modern-day office worker to demand snacks during meetings.. Fact: Who knew that all it took to resolve a truck strike was a mayor and some snacks? Instant diplomacy!.