DECEMBER 10, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Gallus J. Bader's Banking Legacy. Impact: If Gallus J. Bader had decided to invest in a new form of currency instead of banking, we might have been bartering with chickens and shiny rocks instead of using dollars today. Thanks, Gallus!. Fact: Despite being a banking leader, Gallus may have missed the memo on how to spell 'Gallus' correctly for his future followers..
• Headline: The Legacy of Dr. C. H. Thurber. Impact: Dr. C. H. Thurber’s contributions to education may have sparked a chain reaction leading to the invention of educational memes. Now, students can learn about the Pythagorean theorem with the help of a cat video.. Fact: Thurber's illustrious career included editing textbooks, which means he probably had a hand in writing the most boring books you never wanted to read..
• Headline: Inheritance Denied Over Cigarette Habit. Impact: By spurning her grandfather's bequest, the granddaughter likely paved the way for more extensive research into the detrimental effects of nicotine, leading to a world where we have anti-smoking campaigns instead of epic family feuds.. Fact: Cigarettes: the gift that keeps on taking. Who knew rejecting money could lead to a lifelong addiction?.
• Headline: KONDOLF DEFENDS WPA THEATRE RECORD; Holds Workers Alliance Attack 'Hysterical and False'. Impact: Kondolf's defense of the WPA Theatre could have saved countless future theatre projects from being accused of being mere fronts for money laundering. Just imagine the drama that could have unfolded!. Fact: If only all 'hysterical' accusations were met with such fervor, we could have avoided reality TV altogether..
• Headline: SIX DIE PRAYING, SINGING; Georgia Negro Slayers Go to Chair Buoyed by Religion. Impact: The tragic execution of Mack and Perry could have inspired future generations to rethink the role of religion in capital punishment, leading to a world where people might sing their way out of trouble instead.. Fact: Singing while dying? Now that's what I call a tragic encore..
• Headline: Indicted in PWA Bid Collusion. Impact: The PWA bid collusion may have led to stricter regulations in construction, which eventually caused the rise of reality shows about home improvement. Thank you, shady contractors!. Fact: In the world of construction, collusion is just another word for 'teamwork'... if you're really bad at ethics..
• Headline: WYNN TO PAY $229,000 IN INCOME-TAX CLAIM; Settles Dispute Over Returns for 1932, 1933 and 1934. Impact: Wynn's tax dispute over past years could have sparked a new trend in tax evasion tactics, ultimately leading to a black market for accountants who specialize in creative deductions.. Fact: Ah, taxes, the annual reminder that the government is definitely not your biggest fan..
• Headline: FINANCIAL LEADERS ATTEND EGAN RITES; More Than 450 Persons Honor Journalist Long on Staff of J. P. Morgan & Co.. Impact: The financial leaders attending Egan's rites may have sparked an unspoken agreement that journalists, despite their critical roles, are only truly appreciated when they are six feet under.. Fact: Turns out, being a journalist means you get more respect when you're dead. Who knew?.
• Headline: SLOAN ASKS TAX CUT TO SPEED INDUSTRY; Urges Aid to Manufacturers Who Scrap Old Tools of Country's 'Obsolete Plant' Questions Equitable Formula SLOAN ASKS TAX CUT TO SPEED INDUSTRY Mr. Sloan's Statement in Summary Discusses Tax Incentive Points to Difficulties. Impact: Sloan's call for a tax cut may have inadvertently led to a generation of manufacturers who think 'scrap it' means throwing everything in the dumpster instead of recycling. Progress!. Fact: Sloan's proposal is like asking a toddler to clean their room; it sounds good until you see the chaos that ensues..