NOVEMBER 18, 1938

Full News Archive

• Headline: Baroness Militza von Goertz Engagement Announced. Impact: The wedding of Militza von Goertz and Wilhelm Meyerweissflog sparked a trend of aristocrats marrying questionable commoners, which ultimately led to a world where every reality TV star thinks they’re royalty. Fact: Did you know that the name 'Meyerweissflog' translates roughly to 'my white flog'? Perfect for the couple’s first argument about who gets to pick the wedding cake flavor.
• Headline: Elizabeth Lee Engaged to Charles Goulding. Impact: Elizabeth Lee's engagement to Charles Goulding inadvertently led to a surge in awkward family gatherings, which eventually resulted in the invention of social media as a way to avoid them. Fact: Fun fact: In Connecticut, engagements are often announced with a grand event—usually just a very long brunch where everyone pretends to be happy for the couple.
• Headline: Court Links Mortgage Claims for Resolution. Impact: This mortgage claim court case set a precedent that influenced the future of finance, leading to a generation of people getting more confused about their mortgage statements than about their dating lives. Fact: Did you know that mortgage documents are basically the adult version of a permission slip? Just with way more fine print and significantly less fun.
• Headline: Margot Schwarz to Be Wed. Impact: Margot Schwarz's upcoming wedding triggered a series of romantic mishaps across the country, resulting in a national shortage of wedding planners and a spike in divorce rates a decade later. Fact: Did you know that wedding planning is just a fancy term for 'let's stress about flowers and seating arrangements until we forget why we wanted to marry each other in the first place'?.
• Headline: SEYMOUR DETCHON. Impact: Seymour Detchon's life remains a mystery—rumor has it he was the original inspiration for a character in a sitcom that never made it past pilot season. Fact: Did you know that 'Seymour' is often used as a name for the more forgettable characters in novels, much like the people who sit in your waiting room?.
• Headline: MESSENGERS GET PAY RISE; Postal Telegraph Boys Receive First Checks Under New Law. Impact: The postal telegraph boys getting a pay rise started a revolution in labor rights, leading to the eventual establishment of 'Bring Your Child to Work Day'—because why not continue the cycle of underpaid labor?. Fact: Fun fact: Postal workers are the original influencers—delivering the hottest gossip along with your bills since the dawn of time!.
• Headline: William Clevers Wed 40 Years. Impact: William Clevers' 40-year marriage became a benchmark for future couples, leading to a national competition for who could endure the most eye-rolling anniversaries. Fact: Did you know that after 40 years of marriage, the most common conversation starter is 'Do you remember where we left the remote?'.
• Headline: POUND MAKES GAIN OF CENT IN MARKET; Rallies to $4.70 7/8 After Early Hesitancy--Other Foreign Currencies Advance HOPE FOR DOLLAR VISIONED Federal Finance Experts Look for Improved Relation to the Pound and Franc Gold Imports from England Hopeful of Dollar's Position. Impact: The pound's gain in the market was just the beginning; little did anyone know that this would eventually lead to a global obsession with currency exchange rates that nobody actually understands. Fact: Did you know that the only time anyone really cares about the pound is when they’re trying to buy a pint in London? Priorities, right?.